A HAPPINESS QUESTION
when it's self-serve, we can serve ourselves
a lot! Remind yourself, "I learned this
lesson the hard way. Next time, I'll make a
different choice."
4. DON'T LET THE PERFECT BE THE
ENEMY OF THE GOOD
When we're making resolutions, it's easy
to set big ambitious goals, and sometimes
it's tough to meet them. We plan to train
for a 5K, or get the basement cleared out,
or write a rough draft of a novel by the end
of the year. Then, we fail to make progress,
it's easy to get discouraged and accuse
ourselves of laziness.
Remember, any progress is better than no
progress! You may not have finished a full
draft, but you have an outline of your novel.
You haven't switched careers yet, but you've
started thinking about next steps.
Some people find it helpful to keep a ta-da
list. A to-do list reminds you of what you
need to get done; a ta-da list reminds you
of all you've accomplished already. A ta-da
list can be a tremendous source of energy
and reassurance.
5. CONSIDER YOUR TENDENCY
Often, when we fail to make progress,
it's because we haven't taken our
Tendency into account. For instance, if
you're an Obliger, you must have outer
accountability. You must! That's what
works for Obligers! If you see that a
particular form of outer accountability isn't
working, trying a different form. If paying
for a trainer doesn't get you to go to the
gym, try working out with a friend who's
very annoyed when you don't show up. If
that doesn't work, teach a class. If that
doesn't work, think of your duty to be a
role model for someone else. If that doesn't
work, join a group on the Better app where
you tell each other, "I'm counting on you to
count on me. If none of us hold each other
accountable, none of us will succeed."
If you're a Rebel, don't try to lock yourself
into a to-do list or a schedule. That often
doesn't work for a Rebel. Think about what
you want, and how you want to live up to
your identity.
Questioners struggle, it's usually because
they're fundamentally unconvinced by
whatever they're trying to do.
If you don't know your Tendency—whether
you're an Upholder, Obliger, Questioner, or
Rebel—you can take the free, quick quiz at
quiz.gretchenrubin.com.
6. ARE YOU GIVING YOURSELF HEALTHY
TREATS?
When we give more to ourselves, we can
ask more from ourselves. If you're asking
a lot of yourself these days, make sure
you're helping yourself feel energized and
cared for by giving yourself healthy treats,
whatever that might be for you. For me, it's
reading children's literature.
But make sure these are healthy treats.
You don't want to try to make yourself feel
better by indulging in something (wine,
impulse purchases, sweets, messiness) that
will make you feel worse in the end.
7. REMEMBER, IT'S EASIER TO KEEP UP
THAN TO CATCH UP
Sometimes, when we're creating a healthy
habit or practice, we need to catch up. We
need to clear out a lot of clutter before we
can maintain good order. We need to adjust
to life without the morning doughnut.
This is hard, but remember that once we're
caught up or accustomed to a new way, it
gets easier. It may take a few tries to get
over the initial hurdle, but remember that
the situation will get easier once it's more
ingrained.
Stay the course! Don't give up! My book
Better Than Before examines the twenty
one strategies that we can use to make
or break our habits, and one of the most
helpful strategies is the Strategy of
Safeguards. It's all about how to anticipate
challenges, and how to deal with it when
we run into trouble.
Gretchen Rubin is the author of
several books, including the block-
buster New York Times best-sellers,
Outer Order, Inner Calm, Better
Than Before, The Happiness Project,
Happier at Home, and The Four
Tendencies. She has an enormous
readership, both in print and online,
and her books have sold more than
3.5 million copies worldwide, in
more than 30 languages. She makes
frequent TV appearances and is
in much demand as a speaker. On
her weekly podcast Happier with
Gretchen Rubin, she discusses good
habits and happiness with her sister
Elizabeth Craft. Rubin started her
career in law and was clerking for
Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day
O’Connor when she realized she
wanted to be a writer. She lives in
New York City with her husband and
two daughters.
GRETCHENRUBIN.COM
It's a very common frustration.
Have you found any great ways to stay
on course, even when you feel as if you're
falling behind? +
*Originally posted on Gretchenrubin.com. Reprinted
with permission
If you're a Questioner, really examine your
reasons. Why are you doing this, in this
way? Is it the best, most efficient way, and
is it tailored to suit you specifically? When
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