HABITS genuine , the fact that you pay attention to others and appreciate their help will show that you ’ re appreciative and humble — two adjectives that are closely tied to likeability .
6 . THEY ARE CONSISTENT
Few things make you more unlikeable than when you ’ re all over the place . When people approach you , they like to know whom they ’ re dealing with and what sort of response they can expect . To be consistent you must be reliable , and you must ensure that even when your mood goes up and down it doesn ’ t affect how you treat other people .
7 . THEY USE POSITIVE BODY LANGUAGE
Becoming cognizant of your gestures , expressions , and tone of voice ( and making certain they ’ re positive ) will draw people to you like ants to a picnic . Using an enthusiastic tone , uncrossing your arms , maintaining eye contact , and leaning towards the person who ’ s speaking are all forms of positive body language that high- EQ people use to draw others in . Positive body language can make all the difference in a conversation .
It ’ s true that how you say something can be more important than what you say .
8 . THEY LEAVE A STRONG FIRST IMPRESSION
Research shows most people decide whether or not they like you within the first seven seconds of meeting you . They then spend the rest of the conversation internally justifying their initial reaction . This may sound terrifying , but by knowing this you can take advantage of it to make huge gains in your likeability . First impressions are tied intimately to positive body language . Strong posture , a firm handshake , smiling , and opening your shoulders to the person you are talking to will help ensure that your first impression is a good one .
9 . THEY GREET PEOPLE BY NAME
Your name is an essential part of your identity , and it feels terrific when people use it . Likeable people make certain they use others ’ names every time they see them . You shouldn ’ t use someone ’ s name only when you greet him . Research shows that people feel validated when the person they ’ re speaking with refers to them by name during a conversation .
If you ’ re great with faces but have trouble with names , have some fun with it and make remembering people ’ s names a brain exercise . When you meet someone , don ’ t be afraid to ask her name a second time if you forget it right after you hear it . You ’ ll need to keep her name handy if you ’ re going to remember it the next time you see her .
10 . THEY SMILE
People naturally ( and unconsciously ) mirror the body language of the person they ’ re talking to . If you want people to like you , smile at them during a conversation and they will unconsciously return the favor and feel good as a result .
11 . THEY KNOW WHEN TO OPEN UP
Be careful to avoid sharing personal problems and confessions too quickly , as this will get you labeled a complainer . Likeable people let the other person guide when it ’ s the right time for them to open up .
12 . THEY KNOW WHO TO TOUCH ( AND THEY TOUCH THEM )
When you touch someone during a conversation , you release oxytocin in their brain , a neurotransmitter that makes their brain associate you with trust and a slew of other positive feelings . A simple touch on the shoulder , a hug , or a friendly handshake is all it takes to release oxytocin . Of course , you have to touch the right person in the right way to release oxytocin , as unwanted or inappropriate touching has the opposite effect . Just remember , relationships are built not just from words , but also from general feelings about each other . Touching someone appropriately is a great way to show you care .
13 . THEY BALANCE PASSION AND FUN
People gravitate toward those who are passionate . That said , it ’ s easy for passionate people to come across as too serious or uninterested because they tend to get absorbed in their work . Likeable people balance their passion with the ability to have fun . At work they are serious , yet friendly . They still get things done because they are socially effective in short amounts of time and they capitalize on valuable social moments . They minimize small talk and gossip and instead focus on having meaningful interactions with their coworkers . They remember what you said to them yesterday or last week , which shows that you ’ re just as important to them as their work .
BRINGING IT ALL TOGETHER
Likeable people are invaluable and unique . They network with ease , promote harmony in the workplace , bring out the best in everyone around them , and generally seem to have the most fun . Add these skills to your repertoire and watch your likeability soar ! +
As a cofounder of TalentSmart and worldrenowned expert in emotional intelligence , Dr . Travis Bradberry speaks regularly in corporate and public settings . He is also coauthor of the # 1 best-selling book Emotional Intelligence 2.0 , Leadership 2.0 , and The Emotional Intelligence Quick Book . His books have been translated into 25 languages and are available in more than 150 countries .
Dr . Bradberry also co-developed the Emotional Intelligence Appraisal ®, a suite of self and 360 assessments . His survey and assessment development expertise are grounded in simple , applied approaches to measurement .
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