Risk & Business Magazine General Insurance Services - Fall 2020 | Page 23

GROWTH AFTER CRISIS
Common initial reactions to cancer,
death, job loss, divorce, or similar
seismic events include profound sadness,
yearning for the deceased, longing for
a life denied, loss of self identity, guilt,
anger, irritability and distraction. In a
minority of cases, significant trauma
and life crisis can trigger serious mental
instability. Spiritual and emotional
growth isn’t a de facto result of crisis,
of course. It’s the result of intentional
choices about how we respond to
traumatic events. The way we frame the
next sequence of choices and personal
narrative matters a great deal in how we
can emerge from trauma stronger and
more resilient.
ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR POINT OF
DEPARTURE. We all have our own
starting point prior to a traumatic event,
our own personal status quo. When a
crisis strikes it disrupts our personal
narrative, it challenges our belief system
about what is normal, what is fair, what
is real and consistent in our world.
When crisis strikes it creates its own
emotional distress, curtails our goals,
and interrupts our normal trajectory.
It’s important to acknowledge that you
won’t go on your vacation to Belize, or
see your son’s graduation ceremony from
high school. Mourn that loss, but don’t
dwell on it.
EXAMINE YOUR SELF-TALK. In Tedeschi
and Calhoun’s model, our next
immediate phase is rumination. We
muse internally about the event, and
the way in which we talk to ourselves
matters a great deal. Do we curse the
gods, and tell ourselves we deserve it? Or
do we chalk it up to random misfortune,
and uncaring powers beyond our control.
Often we internalize events in the form
of keeping a journal, or praying, or
meditating.
IT’S IMPORTANT TO
AVOID BLAME. BLAME
SIMPLY EXACERBATES
FEELINGS OF BEING A
VICTIM.
BE AWARE OF HOW YOU SHARE YOUR
STORY TO OTHERS. Once we have
built our own personal narrative of
the event, we try these stories out on
others. We test these narratives with our
partners, our friends, and family. We
lean on our sociocultural muses. We
revisit our trusted voices in the news, in
social media, to reinforce our emerging
storyline. The language you use with
others is contagious. If you focus on
complaints and what you have lost, you
will reinforce the same feelings in others.
Focus on the positive.
In these early phases of rumination, selftalk,
and then sharing these developing
narratives with others, it’s critically
important to use words that emphasis
self-compassion (“it’s not my fault”),
it’s temporal (“this isn’t going to last
forever”), and to emphasize what you
can do to contribute to the emotional
stability of those around you (“I think I’ll
help John with his homework tonight”).
BUILD MEANING AND PURPOSE
THROUGH GIVING. In study after study,
helping others and contributing to
your community goes much farther in
building purpose and meaning than
merely the pursuit of happiness. Even
the simple act of expressing gratitude to
someone is itself an act of giving because
you celebrating someone else and lifting
them up.
If you’re interested in tracking your own
traumatic growth progress through
this strange dystopian moment in time,
Tedeschi and Calhoun have created this
simple scorecard to help us examine our
growth.
Our company Mindscaling is giving
away this course we created on
Resiliency with Jen Shirkani. We hope
you are safe, healthy and sane in this
strange time. And we hope this will
help. +
Shawn Hunter is Founder & President of MindScalingand
is also an entrepreneur, author, idea developer. Shawn has
collaborated with hundreds of business authors, executives,
and researchers to create learning solutions. Shawn’s first
company, Targeted Learning, was acquired by Skillsoft in
February 2007. He is the author of Out•Think and Small
Acts of Leadership.
MindScaling.com & ShawnHunter.com
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