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WHAT DENOMINATION?
A woman went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. “What denomination?” asked the clerk. “Goodness! Have we come to this?” said the woman. “Well, give me 50 Catholic and 50 Baptist ones.” There are two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, “Good morning, Lord,” and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, “Good Lord, its morning.”
Tuesday at 4:00 P.M. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
THE PRIEST WINS
A priest came upon a group of about a dozen boys, surrounding a dog. Concerned he went over and asked “What are you doing with that dog?” One of the boys replied, “This dog is just an old neighbourhood stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home. So we’ve decided that whoever tells the biggest lie will get to keep the dog.” Of course, the priest was taken aback. “You boys shouldn’t be having a contest telling lies!” he exclaimed. He then launched into a sermon against lying, beginning, “Don’t you boys know it’s a sin to lie,” and ending with, “Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie.” There was dead silence. Just as the priest was beginning to think he’d gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said, “All right, give him the dog.”
his work. I knew that I only had a dollar bill and had to either give it all to God’s work or nothing at all. So at that moment I decided to give my whole dollar to God. I believe that God blessed that decision, and that is why I am a rich man today.” There was an awed silence as he moved toward his seat. As he sat down a little old lady sitting in the same pew leaned over and said to him: “I dare you to do it again.”
No to be outdone, the computer scientist points out, “Yes, but where do you think the chaos came from?”
TURNING FOUR
A three year old was excited about having his birthday in a few days. When asked how old he would be, he always said he would be four and held up four fingers. His mother tried to explain that he would be three; that three comes after two, but the boy wasn’t convinced. He insisted that he had to be four because when he tried to hold up three fingers, the fourth came up too.
LET IT BE BLOOD!
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