As my father laid his “partially deaf” ear on my mother’s big round belly,
My mother’s big round belly stuffed up with my tiny body,
My tiny body restless as my mind is while I type this note.
Note that my father was excited for his son to come sliding out the goal post,
Where he had scored, not even by luck, but my mom was a blessing and more.
Then I was born. I was born and my ‘partially deaf’ father, suddenly became ‘totally blind’ too.
He saw a penis and I had the complimentary organ to that.
His mind so much wanted a son, that he ignored every gender specification he came across. I dressed like a boy. I ate like a boy. I sat like a boy. I even kicked a ball like a boy.
I fought like a boy, but the deepest part was, I thought like a boy, therefore I am a boy
As my teenage years approaches, and social media started contaminating my mind like these roaches, in my momma’s kitchen, that I would try and exterminate before having the “boys” over.
Now, I need to remind you, that the “boys” visiting me, actually really chilled with me.
We played Playstation, street soccer, teased girls UNTIL they realized that I too was a girl. I got to feel what every girl felt like when we, I mean, them, the guys, teased us, me included now.
I wanted to fit into this feminine species that had the same ‘’private parts” like me.
Eye shadow darkened the real world, a little bit of cleavage to hide my face and a lot of ass to keep people’s minds off the rest of my insecurity.
Hair straightened to blow in the wind and give me that ‘movie scene moment’ every now and then, but the hardest part of my transformation was shaving my legs!
They used to call me “plank”, because I had a flat chest.
They used to call me HER-MAN, because I was a hairy “man-lady”.
Male’s intimidated by me, a female, because I had more “manly” features than them.
That happened during my teenage years. After high school, the effect it carried had me shaving my legs every second day, because of the rate my hair grew at. I ensured that I never dressed like a boy again, started wearing high heels and even makeup.
Started trying to do things the “girly” way.
The “girly” way.
Not “my” way.
WHY NOT MY WAY?!
Why was I not doing things for me???
Was it because of my fear of not being accepted by society?
Or never having a boyfriend, because who would want to date a girl with a bigger mustache than his own? Was it because social networking had become such a big thing and I also wanted to look “normal” and “perfect” like all the others… because that’s what social media was doing… grooming me?
Grooming me to be what?? A WOMAN?!
.
I am a woMAN!
Soul'Jah Kween
FB: Mary-Jane Alkenbulan & Soul'Jah Kween
IG maryjane.alkebulan
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