" 10 years ago I was drugged and molested by another man
I was invited over for what seemed like a casual hangout but quickly found myself delirious after one drink. I regained enough control in time to shove my way out to the apartment building hallway before worse things could happen. Afterward I felt embarrassed. Stupid. Weak. Only a few years earlier I'd been fighting in a war. Now, despite all the tough soldier bravado, I'd let my defenses down enough to be overpowered and violated.
I went numb. In a stupor for the next few days. Randomly bursting into tears, fumbling excuses if my girlfriend happened to be around. I couldn't bring myself to tell her. Nothing made sense. And the guilt was all-consuming.
Had I just cheated on her?
Had I actually wanted this somehow?
Should I have seen it coming?
I ran the encounter over and over through my mind. The signs of manipulation seemed so clear in retrospect. The making of the drink in the other room. The rhythm of conversation that followed. Things I had never learned to watch for, but now forever burned in my brain.
I finally told my girlfriend and a trusted friend, who were amazingly supportive and convinced me to report it later that week. Unfortunately, the drugs have left my system, which meant I had zero proof it wasn't consensual. The sentiment was reinforced in the officer's repetitive questioning....
Are you sure you didn't want this?
Could you just be embarrassed because you might just be gay?
In the end the only solace offered was "at least he was in their system now" so if it happened again, they'd "have a pattern". Outstanding.
But I had a network of strong friends. And when enough time had passed, I was able to regain control and to stop blaming myself and move on.
Only 3 people knew that story before today. But so many brave women sharing their stories, including some awesome Rooster Teeth ladies, I just wanted to do my part. And to let you know if you've been there, or are perhaps still struggling with it. I truly empathize. I know what it's like to be taken advantage of, humiliated....not believed when you come forward.
I
#MeToo
Josh Flanagan
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