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Trading in My Independence for Welcome
Obstacles. Those things that get in the way of forward progress. The great thing about them is that they can be overcome. With a little effort and forward thinking, of course. But they’re not impassable.
There are certainly obstacles to genuine hospitality. There are simply things that get in the way. Things that hinder us.
There is no question that something is holding us back from welcoming people in to our homes and perhaps even our lives. According to Focus on the Family Canada, hospitality is really struggling. Take these realities from an article on their site by the Coughlins: during the mid to late 1970s, the average American entertained 14 to 15 times a year. By the late 1990s, that figure fell to eight times per year – a decline of 45 per cent. They conclude that if this trend continues, the blessing of hospitality will be nearly extinct in less than one generation.
So what IS holding us back? And, furthermore, why does it even matter? I think that some of the things that hold us back are a result of the culture we live in. Others are personal to us. Either way, it's important for us to consider because our legacy will have a far greater and more lasting impact when it considers people and they way they feel when they are around us. Are they welcomed in? Do you "see" them? That is the heart of hospitality.
Let’s talk first about our culture (because that’s a little safer than talking about us, isn’t it?!?)
We live in an American culture that values independence.
Let’s face it, our culture doesn’t encourage us to be vulnerable and dependent on each other. The very foundations of our society encourage us to our personal rights and happiness as a primary pursuit. Even our most intimate of relationships are hampered by things like pre-nups and ways out and the like. We keep each other at arms length and we, frankly, sort of like it that way. It has been said of us that we build the largest houses in the world, but nobody is home. And, when we are, we’re in our perfectly equipped home theaters or our private backyards. Which, could be kind of cool for sharing with friends but I would posit that most of those spaces sit alone. Rare is the person who builds those spaces and actually uses them to extend invitation.
Author Ken Gire states it this way: “We have big things – we know big things. But we don’t look into each other’s eyes. We’re starved for a life that not only senses the sacred in the world around us but savors it. We’re famished for experiences that are real and relationships that are deep.”
I think he’s right – we sense the soul sickness and the relational disconnect. But, we’re hesitant or ill-equipped to change it. So, we stick with the status quo.
Which brings me to my second observation about our culture: Restaurant Living.
When we do find ourselves reaching out to fill that void, we’re much more likely to meet a friend out. At a restaurant, bar, coffee shop, or movie theater. The rise of eat-out opportunities have replaced much of what used to take place in each other’s homes. I’m not against restaurants – it’s a nice break to eat a great meal out. But it simply is not the same as being in someone’s home. The lingering and the life sharing don’t take place in a restaurant like they do at home. As well, when you’re in someone’s home you get a feel for who they are and how they live. It’s a glimpse that you can’t get at a restaurant.
Tomorrow we’ll talk about two other cultural issues that hinder us in our pursuit of hospitality: the media issue and the overprogramming.
In the meantime, do either of these resonate with you? What is it about our culture that keeps you from practicing hospitality?