Negative people by gloria masters I was at dinner the other night with a couple of friends and the topic of negative people arose. Though we saw it differently, we were unanimous on a couple of things: We all know at least one negative person We are all impacted by them
The problem with negative people is not just the negativity but the fact they have to share it. There seems to be an overwhelming need to let us know how they feel – whether we want to or not. We get so used to hearing their views on how bad things are or why an idea can’t possibly work that we get lulled into their doom and gloom before we realise it. And that’s fundamental to why negativity is so hard to be around. It spreads quickly, affects us and ultimately others we come into contact with.
We all have that one person in particular, whether it’s a friend or work colleague who just sees the worst in every situation. That person who manages to pour cold water over our ideas or describes in detail why it can’t possibly work. We know it’s bad because the minute they walk in the room we find we are mentally bracing ourselves for the next miserable onslaught.
What can we do? How can we protect ourselves so we don’t get dragged into it?
We can start by taking a deep breath and allowing ourselves to stand in our positive beliefs about who we are and what we believe. We also need to know that people can only impact us if we let them. We need to stay true to ourselves and be happy with what we think and believe. No one has the right to take our peace of mind away, and every time we allow them to continue throwing shadows on our moment in the sun, we need to take action. Sounds like it should work, right? Well, I have to tell you, it’s challenging and confronting. But after thousands of attempts I’ve come up with a way that seems to work for me:
• Tell them I’ve heard them • State my opinion • When they cut me off or try to dissuade me • Remind them I’ve heard them • Restate my opinion • Inform them I respect their view, but I’m sticking with mine
If they continue, I’ve found the best way is to ask them if we can talk about it more fully. Then I let them know their view on things (negativity) is of concern, and check if they’re ok? Were they aware that is how they usually behave, and the affect they are having on me and/or others is profound? That’s usually enough to bring them up short. Sometimes negative people have become so entrenched in their view of the world they’re not cognisant of the fact they’re holding the rest of us to ransom with their doom and gloom approach. We can’t change them, but we can refuse to be drawn into the black well of despair about, well about everything.