1. Mediation is a process among equals. Our brains are more alike than they are different: the cognitive and behavior functions supported by human brain networks “are, for the most part, shared among all individuals” (Sporns, Olaf. The Networks of the Brain, p.67. MIT Press, 2011). This is called functional homeostasis, and it’s been suggested that it occurs because network regulation happens at a global level rather than locally, which allows the brain as a whole to remain stable in the face of constant change (Ibid., p. 68 citing Prinz et al. (2004) and Marder & Goaillard (2006)). Even the sensory systems within a single brain handle diverse inputs -- from sound waves to touch -- in generally the same way. As people, we are driven by similar needs, experience the same emotions, and share many of the same desires. Every mediation session is among equals – no one is in charge or sits at the head of the table. 2. Survival comes first. As a mediator, I am no longer surprised that survival is almost always the first reaction in a mediation session. While it’s generally to a psychological more than a physical threat, the brain interprets both as a threat to existence and re-acts accordingly; one could feel like an angry, frustrated animal backed into a corner, all the way to a cold-calculating hunter about to pounce on its prey. 3. Everyone’s reality is different; it has to be. While our brains are exceedingly similar, each brain works with different raw material: nearly 70% of the structure of a human infant’s brain is added post-birth (Cozolino, Louis. The Neuroscience of Human Relationships, p. 40 citing Schore (1994). W.W. Norton & Company, 2006). That means that the bulk of the brain’s connections are experience-dependent -- they are added post-birth and depend on what happens to us. The brain then creates our perception by combining inputs from the outside world with past experience. The entire process is constructive and builds from the bottom-up: our memories, rules, and expectations get incorporated into the properties of the stimuli and shape what we ultimately see (Kandel, Eric R. et al. Principles of Neural Science, 5th edition, pp. 556-557. McGraw Hill Medical, 2013). The brain thus shapes both our reality and our experience of it. The net result is that we really cannot know the experience of another person, which reinforces the mediator’s mantra: in a mediation session, a mediator never makes recommendations. How could we possibly know what will work for someone else? 4. More than interests, the quality of our relationships, threats to cares, etc., conflict involves a threat to self. We are not born with a sense of self, we design and hone one. It is given to us through our relationships and societal constructs, and it becomes the principle around which we organize our life. The self is not real; it’s a series of neural connections, a set of fixed ideas. Yet the brain works hard to maintain a consistent sense of self, it’s one of the brain/mind’s primary jobs. Conflict erupts when our sense of self feels threatened; when how we see or want to see our self and the world that self is part of, feels under attack. 5. Individual differences matter. We have different genetic make-ups, levels of connectivity in the brain, sensitivity to internal and external inputs, unique thresholds for stress and other emotions, to name just a few. To be of value, mediation has to draw on these differences to elicit how the parties make sense. Making sense means how something fits with the person’s past, with what someone “knows about how the world works” (Sousa, David A. How the Brain Learns, 4th edition, p. 52. Corwin, 2011). Making sense of the world is another one of the brain’s primary jobs, and doing so reveals individual mind patterns. Mind patterns are repetitive thoughts and behaviors that become unconscious over time. And in the brain, practice does not make perfect, it makes permanent. Mind patterns govern how we make sense of a situation, our role in it, and the other parties involved.