3. DON’T PRAISE TOO MUCH
Children need praise to build a healthy
sense of self-esteem. Unfortunately,
piling on the praise doesn’t give them
extra self-esteem. Children need to
believe in themselves and to develop
the self-confidence required to become
successful leaders, but if you gush every
time they put pen to paper or kick a ball
(the “everyone gets a trophy” mentality),
this creates confusion and false
confidence. Always show your children
how proud you are of their passion and
effort; just don’t paint them as superstars
when you know it isn’t true.
4. ALLOW THEM TO
EXPERIENCE RISK
AND FAILURE
Success in business and in life is driven
by risk. When parents go overboard
protecting their children, they don’t
allow them to take risks and reap
the consequences. When you aren’t
allowed to fail, you don’t understand
risk. A leader can’t take appropriate
risks until he or she knows the bitter
taste of failure that comes with risking
it all and coming up short.
The road to success is paved with
failure. When you try to shield your
children from failure in order to boost
their self-esteem, they have trouble
tolerating the failure required to
succeed as a leader. Don’t rub their
face in it either. Children need your
support when they fail. They need to
know you care. They need to know that
you know how much failure stings.
Your support allows them to embrace
the intensity of the experience and
to know that they’ll make it through
it all right. That, right there, is solid
character building for future leaders.
5. SAY NO
Overindulging children is a sure-fire
way to limit their development as
leaders. To succeed as a leader, one
must be able to delay gratification and
work hard for things that are really
important. Children need to develop
this patience. They need to set goals
and experience the joy that comes
with working diligently towards
them. Saying no to your children will
disappoint them momentarily, but
they’ll get over that. They’ll never get
over being spoiled.
6. LET CHILDREN SOLVE
THEIR OWN PROBLEMS
There’s a certain self-sufficiency that
comes with being a leader. When
you’re the one making the calls, you
should also be the one who needs to
stay behind and clean up the mess these
create. When parents constantly solve
their children’s problems for them,
children never develop the critical
ability to stand on their own two feet.
Children who always have someone
swooping in to rescue them and clean
up their mess spend their whole lives
waiting for this to happen. Leaders
take action. They take charge. They’re
responsible and accountable. Make
certain your children are as well.
know that the people they look up to
aren’t infallible. Leaders must be able
to process their mistakes, learn from
them, and move forward to be better
people. Children can’t do this when
they’re overcome by guilt. They need
someone—a real, vulnerable person—
to teach them how to process mistakes
and to learn from them. When you
show them how you’ve done this in the
past, you’re doing just that.
BRINGING IT ALL TOGETHER
We can mold our children into leaders,
but only if we work at it. Few things in
life are as worth your time and effort
as this.
7. WALK YOUR TALK
Authentic leaders are transparent and
forthcoming. They aren’t perfect, but
they earn people’s respect by walking
their talk. Your children can develop
this quality naturally, but only if it’s
something they see you demonstrate.
To be authentic, you must be honest in
all things, not just in what you say and
do but also in who you are. When you
walk your talk, your words and actions
will align with who you claim to be.
Your children will see this and aspire
to do the same.
8. SHOW YOU’RE HUMAN
No matter how indignant and defiant
your children are at any moment,
you’re still their hero and their model
for the future. This can make you
want to hide your past mistakes for
fear that they’ll be enticed to repeat
them. The opposite is true. When you
don’t show any vulnerability, your
children develop intense guilt about
every failure because they believe that
they’re the only ones to make such
terrible mistakes.
To develop as leaders, children need to
DR. TRAVIS BRADBERRY
Dr. Travis Bradberry is the
award-winning co-author
of the #1 bestselling book,
Emotional Intelligence 2.0, and
the cofounder of TalentSmart,
the world's leading provider
of emotional intelligence
tests and training, serving
more than 75 percent of
Fortune 500 companies. His
best-selling books have been
translated into 25 languages
and are available in more than
150 countries. Dr. Bradberry
has written for, or been
covered by, Newsweek, TIME,
BusinessWeek, Fortune, Forbes,
Fast Company, Inc., USA Today,
The Wall Street Journal, The
Washington Post, and The
Harvard Business Review.
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