As a teenager I was fascinated by Zen-Buddhism, but didn’t practice it. So until I was 17, I had my own one world outlook peppered with a bit of Buddhism.
REGINA: Why did you leave the church?
A: There are a lot of reasons, which I understand now, but didn’t understand at that time. I’m a person, who really like thinking about philosophy and I love spiritual places. When my friends in our “wild-years“ went to party, I preferred to take our dog for a long walk in the forest.
I think that’s the key to understanding why I turned my back on the Church. At that time I couldn’t find spiritual nourishment there. I cannot relate to sentimental, pseudo-religious stuff like, “we-are-all-brothers-and (most important)-sisters-sitting-around-a-table-and-thinking-about-how-we-can-help-the-poor-children-in-Africa-while-we-are-holding-hands.“
For sure, we have to minister to the poor (Pope Francis is doing it right), but what’s going on in the most parishes is finally only a cheap attempt to salve the conscience.
Sitting in a circle and talking about “Who am I?“ is another example. That’s what we did in religious classes. Or guitar-masses.
What I experienced was a Church that set man in the center and not God. And that’s not what I was searching for.
REGINA: When and why did you return?
A: That’s a good question. I read a book “Inside the Vatican: The Politics and Organisation of the Catholic Church“ written by Thomas Reese S.J.
I found it fascinating. Then, I researched the Vatican, the Roman Curia and – with the Catholic Faith. About that same time Blessed John Paul II was dying and - I don’t know why - I felt the urge to pray for him. I had never prayed before that time.
In an Italian magazine my mother read, was a poster pictures of the pope and on the back side psalms were written. So, every evening I prayed these psalms (i cannot speak Italian!), and it was an important time for me. I started speaking with God!
Then, the bishop of Trier celebrated a requiem and it was the first time in years that I saw a church from the inside – and I was ‘caught.’ I felt so great and excited, that I decided to go regularly to Holy Mass. For sure, that was the work of the Holy Spirit.
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