I can tell you that the entire time I spent in and around Hollywood, the occult was very prevalent either through the use of Tarot cards, psychic readings, Wicca, palmistry, and now especially so many are into this new idea that the Universe is the giver of all things that was promulgated by the makers of The Secret, Oprah and others.
REGINA: And God?
MARIANNE: God was always frowned upon. As a Catholic in Hollywood I was constantly told I must be a naughty Catholic girl, or that I was wracked with Catholic guilt (usually in response to me refusing to sleep with someone), and I once had a Jewish man in a Beverly Hills restaurant put his steak knife to my throat and threaten to cut my “f***ing Crucifix” off because he hated it.
REGINA: What made you 'wake up' from the Hollywood experience?
MARIANNE: I wish I could say that I had some grand epiphany, or woke up all of sudden, but to be honest, many things contributed to my leaving. My actor boyfriend continuing to cheat on me, break up with me, come back to me and then do it all over again. The last straw was when he asked me to marry him and then disappeared. He had apparently forgotten to tell his other girlfriend in another town that he wanted to marry me. In true Hollywood fashion, I never got an apology or straight answer as to why he did what he did.
REGINA: Actually, it’s hard to find the right words to describe such behavior.
MARIANNE: I’m not saying he wouldn’t talk to me either. He continued to try to be in my life for years. All around me I saw aging executives, actors, once beautiful women, models -- many of these were addicts -- who were still trying to grab hold of something that would finally make them feel fulfilled, happy, or content. It reminded me of trying to hold a handful of sand. No matter how delicate, or how hard your grasp is, the sand will always slip through.
REGINA: Like a real life ‘Hotel California’.
MARIANNE: Also, the lack of boundaries. Everything was acceptable I guess...do what thou wilt. The thing is, I was getting hurt. I had been hurt by disloyal friends who would try to sleep with my boyfriends, hurt by my latest cheating boyfriend (they all cheated), and hurt because life never seemed to progress. Things were just always the same, in a perpetual state of waiting for the next big thing. I wanted a normal life. I wanted a husband and kids, although I was too old at that point to have kids.
The funny thing is that once I moved, I didn’t feel any differently. That took time. I even made a few foolish attempts to move back to Los Angeles. I saw my ex one last time.
REGINA | 39