“B-Beloved?” I could barely choke the word out.
“Yes, honey,” she whispered. “From the minute I knew I was pregnant, you have always been my beloved. And now I think that you, believe it or not, are also Nick’s beloved.”
I turned this over in my mind. I had actually never thought about what her life must have been like when I was little, working the night shift because Chad couldn’t hold down a job.
“He’s in Hawaii, Melissa told me.”
My mother nodded, expressionless.
“What do guys like him think?” I couldn’t help it. I was thinking out loud. “I mean, when they destroy marriages and abandon their kids, what do they think is going to happen?”
“They think they have found their ‘soulmate,’ she answered with another shrug. “And in the beginning they convince themselves that their kids will get over their betrayal.”
This was too much.
"’Soulmate?’” I snorted. “Fat chance. More like someone who will run up his credit cards. Plus, everyone I know with a dad like this wants nothing to do with him.”
“Yes,” she sighed, “but by the time this dawns on these guys, it’s too late.”
“But, that’s so ridiculous!” I protested. ”Don’t they see what asses they are making of themselves?”
“Not often,” she said sadly. “They are too puffed up to see this. They also deny the agony they cause.”
I sighed. It was too sad for words.
“And what becomes of them?”
My mother looked resigned.
“Many move from woman to woman. And sooner than they can imagine, they’re used up,” she said simply. “They can’t sustain friendships, or jobs. No money. Their looks are gone. Their health goes, too. Then, they’re just bitter old men, alone in the world.”
“What a sad, terrible way to live your life,” I whispered.
“It’s a life lived in the Devil’s clutches,” she nodded. “And of course the saddest thing is that they choose this life.”
I shook my head in disbelief. “Why would someone choose that kind of life?”
My mother sighed heavily. “They think they’re choosing ‘freedom’ or they’re ‘getting their needs met’. Or they don’t think at all, which is what I did. I just ‘went with the feeling’, until…”
“…until what?” I just had to know. What had turned her to religion?
REGINA | 72
REGINA Fiction