The holidays are rapidly approaching and can be a time of joy and a chance to reconnect with family and friends . But for many it can also be a time of stress due to strained relationships , unhappy memories of the past , too much to do and not enough time to rest . In addition , there can also the feelings of disappointment or failure stemming from the expectation that our holidays should be " perfect " like those seen in movies , commercials and social media . Unfortunately , many families and friends are also experiencing strained relationships over the increasing polarization of views in the country today . The good news is there are several tools we can use to manage the holidays and difficult relationships this year .
Awareness is first !
Before the holidays begin , take time to think about what you would like to be different this year . Before we can plan , we need to become aware of what our goal is , so we can set up a way to work toward it . Be as specific as possible and list what you would ideally like from your relationships . The list can also include what you do not want to happen . As you make these lists , tune into how your mind and body are reacting . If thinking about visiting your in-laws makes your neck stiffen or if going to see your Aunt Jane makes you feel excited , write that down as well . Noticing cues can help us create a plan that will increase our enjoyment of the season .
Become curious about your reactions .
Now that you have made your list , become curious about what the positives and negatives are in the relationships you have examined . Asking yourself questions like " what exactly causes my neck to stiffen when think of visiting my in-laws ?" can help with planning how to do something different . Tune into your feelings and notice what arises . Maybe you feel judged or criticized or maybe just disappointed because you have different expectations than those you are with at the time . Do certain people trigger negative reactions ? Noticing will help you understand your unmet needs and negative feelings .
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