READER'S ROCK LIFESTYLE MAGAZINE VOL 2 ISSUE 4 NOVEMBER 2014 VOL 2 ISSUE 6 - JAN-FEB 2015 | Page 13

Ten Tips for Teens Who Think They Are in Love:
(Yes, I know most of the readers of this magazine are not
teenagers, but I also know many of you have teenage sons and
daughters, so if you think the advice is worthwhile, feel free to
pass it on.)
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Be yourself with the person you feel drawn to. If you
have to become someone else to appeal to that person,
the relationship is not going to last, anyway.
Listen to the other person, and insist that they listen to
you. Paradoxically, even though you should be
yourself, relationships do require a certain amount of compromise and adjustment to work. I don’t mean
compromising your fundamental values and desires; I’m talking about more practical adjustments. For
example, if your significant other loves opera, and you can’t stand it, you need to go to the oper a sometimes.
However, that kind of adaptation is a two way street. If you are the one who has to do all the adapting, the
relationship is not healthy. If you go to some operas, your significant other needs to share some experiences
with you that he or she may not be eager to do.
While we are on the subject, good relationships require flexibility but also have some common ground.
Opposites might attract, as the old saying has it, but total opposites can’t really function in a long-term
relationship.
Don’t be too hasty to commit. Infatuation feels just like love. That doesn’t mean it is love, though. How can
you tell the difference? If it really is love, it will last over time. Give those feelings a while to see if they
remain strong or begin to fade.
Make sure your motive for being in the relationship is what it should be. In other words, don’t get into a
relationship just to annoy your parents. (Yes, I have seen people do that.) That kind of situation isn’t fair to
the other person or to you.
Be patient with adults who question whether you are really in love. They may be right. (My parents were
high school sweethearts, so I know that kind of relationship can become permanent, but realistically most of
the time it doesn’t.)
Resist the urge to gossip—and to listen to gossip. I have seen plenty of relationships torpedoed by one
partner’s conversations about the other one, or by one partner’s willingness to listen to gossip about the
other. In this respect high schools are often like small towns: everyone knows everyone else, and everyone is
into everyone else’s business—or at least wants to be. Obviously, you will talk to your friends about your
relationship, but oversharing is a real danger in this kind of situation, as is bragging, at least on the male
side. Steer clear of those problems.
Don’t imitate Romeo and Juliet. Yes, their story is very romantically moving, but even if you have only read
the Spark Notes, you know they ended up dead. Part of the message of the play is to not be impulsive.
At the risk of sounding like the English teacher I am, at your age school is your job; don’t neglect it as you
explore your relationship. If you really are in love, great, but even love can get pretty strained if one o r both
of you ends up in a dead-end job. Adults balance their relationships and other responsibilities, and if you
want to be treated like an adult, you will find that balance as well.
With regard to the elephant in the room—sex—I could give you all the moral arguments, but I’m sure you
have heard them from your parents. I will tell you that from a practical standpoint, most teenagers, even if
their feelings will eventually turn out to be real love, aren’t yet ready for all the complications that sex
introduces into a relationship. I have seen sex drive people apart instead of pulling them closer together. And
if you discover after the fact that you aren’t really in love after all, the situation will be awkward at the best.

(The image is copyrighted by David BT and licensed from http://www.shutterstock.com .)