As she waited for the bus I could see she was
standing with her back to the wind to avoid the cold
on her face I watched her and could see her cheeks
and nose had turned red and I thought what a silly
woman going out in this weather - she must be mad.
I was looking out of the window the other
day thinking to myself how glad I was
that it was the weekend and I didn’t have
to go to work in the cold weather. It had
been freezing overnight and the ground
was slippery. Looking further down the
road I saw one of my elderly neighbours
struggling to get up the steps, she was all
wrapped up in her winter coat, with her
scarf wrapped snugly around her neck,
woolly hat and gloves. As she waited for
the bus I could see she was standing with
her back to the wind to avoid the cold on
her face I watched her and could see her
cheeks and nose had turned red and I
thought what a silly woman going out in
this weather - she must be mad.
I sat back down in the lounge, I was
thinking about how I had probably known
about her for over 20 years but didn’t
even know her name. I had sometimes
seen her during those years popping out
in the car with her husband, I maybe said
hello, or made the odd comment on how
pretty their garden looked, or just ‘isn’t it
a nice day?’ as they passed by my house
going on a walk together, you know just
one of those polite neighbourly comments
in passing.
I began feeling very guilty, how I dare
question the reason as to why she was
waiting for the bus, she no longer had her
dear husband as he had passed away
a few years ago and she had probably
been catching the bus to the town since
he died. I thought here I am sitting in
this warm comfortable lounge making
judgement I didn’t even know what her life
might be like now.
I decided to wait for her to come back
(being the nosy neighbour that I am) I was
ready with my coat and about an hour
later she stepped from the bus. I walked
up to her and said hello, making sure she
recognised me as I didn’t want to worry
her. Then I asked her if I could help take
her shopping bag in and with the loveliest
big smile on her face she said yes that
would be lovely. I went into her home and
it was lovely, I then started to talk about
things in general and asked if I should
put the kettle on and suggested we could
have a nice cup of tea if she didn’t mind…
she said yes please and added that she
gets very lonely everyday on her own
especially in the winter months.
We chatted about everything, she told
me her name was Betty and she has a
son but with a sad look on her face she
told me he had moved to Australia many
years ago and hadn’t managed to see her
in a long time. I changed the subject as I
could tell it was painful and I didn’t want
to pry. After being there for half an hour
or so I began to feel the cold and noticed
that she still had her coat on. I said: “Shall
I put the heating on for you Betty? It feels
a little cold in here.”
“Oh no” she said, “I don’t put that on until
about 6 o’clock and then I go to bed at
8 o’clock with a good book”. Reading
between the lines I could tell she went to
bed to stay warm and she said that she
found the heating was too expensive to
switch on for long and would often make
herself a hot water bottle and place it on
her lap or take it up to bed with her.
Betty is a lovely lady, she told me how she
found it a lonely life without her husband
and how she was finding it hard to
manage on her pension and having to be
careful how she managed her money. She
said she kept warm by keeping busy with
her housework although it didn’t get very
untidy, but she obviously enjoys keeping
it nice.
Since my first visit to Betty I have enjoyed
popping in and making sure she is warm
and has plenty of food in her cupboards.
I do shopping for her when the weather
is bad and when she opens the door and
I say “come on Betty put the kettle on”
it just makes it all worthwhile when I see
that beaming smile on her face…
I so wish I had popped along and made
friends with her before, I know I would
have been able to help her sooner. I know
some people would say that it’s difficult to
approach someone you don’t really know
but unless you try you won’t know. Some
older people are too proud to ask so a
friendly knock on the door costs nothing
but your time and to be honest they don’t
even take much of that.
So please when the cold winter (or
summer) is here and you’re sat in your
nice warm home with your family make
time to pop in to your elderly neighbours
and make sure they are all right. Just a
smiling face and someone to talk too can
make all the difference to their lives. I am
so glad I took the chance, I didn’t know if
Betty would think I was intruding in her life
but she told me that I have made a huge
difference and I can actually see that in
her myself.
She said just to feel wanted makes her
life worthwhile. She even puts the heating
on more frequently now, I don’t think it
had anything to do with the money, it was
more to do with the loneliness and the
need of feeling wanted, she feels more
contented with life knowing she is not
totally alone and is feeling more confident
to speak to the other neighbours around
her.
Of course the best thing in all of this for
me is that it makes me feel like a much
better person. Betty has been to my home
a few times and I always have a cup of
tea with her at least once a week come
snow, rain or shine - after all it could be
me or you one day that’s left alone in the
cold.......remember everything is nothing if
you have no-one!
By Vivien Barker
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