Magical Life
By Rev. Mary Hudson
As I stood gazing at the labyrinth behind my home the only thought crossing my mind was “I live a magical life.” I own 56 acres of combined wild flowers and forest, I have a small store that seems more family than shop, I am a chaplain at a major university and a spiritual advisor to a very diverse group of individuals. Yes, I live a magical life. However, what makes it magical isn’t the property, the ritual areas or labyrinth. It isn’t the ability to make my own schedule, work on what I choose or to focus on what I want. No, none of that makes it magical, but my life is. What makes it magical is everything else that can’t be seen.
I made a decision a few years ago to regain control of myself. I was living the mainstream corporate life and fulfilling the dreams of everyone else – that life was slowly killing me. Stress and negative emotions ruled all of my reasoning and there were few, if any, positive alternatives to what was seeming to be the rest of my days. The one bright spot was my family. They were there for me through the good and the bad and the bad was winning more and more. I don’t know what caused me to decide my life needed to change, and it really doesn’t matter. What does matter is that something was wrong and I decided to end the madness. That is when the magic began.
Talking was the first step. Telling my husband something was wrong, not with him and not really with us but with me, was one of the most difficult things I’ve done. As difficult as it was the words came easy and fast; spilling out in an avalanche of emotion and tears. I needed an exit strategy, not from our life but from my life. This didn’t mean divorce or giving up on our marriage, it meant ridding myself, and us, of those things that seemed to be consuming my spirit. The major culprit was the stress and anger born out of a career that I no longer cared for. It had become a toxic wasteland where I was nothing more than the a pawn in other people’s agendas. I needed to leave my job but I was afraid. How could we afford to lose half our income. My husband held my hand and told me it would be okay; we would be okay. The magic began to build.
Walking away was the second step. In December of that year I left my job knowing that we had enough cash reserve to get us through the next twelve months. I spent the winter healing and thinking. What was I going to do and how would I contribute to both hearth and home? How could I find value in myself. The questions came easy and the first set of answers followed quickly. Some of the answers worked, some didn’t and some were only seeds that needed to germinate and grow. I had no idea where the answers would take me nor did I know what the next set of questions would be, but at the end of that first winter I was open to adventure; exploring what I wanted to be in the new life I was creating. I was discovering me. The magic continued to grow.
Listening was the third step. The next few years I played but I played with purpose. I decided to enjoy life and to look for the joy in the new freedom from doubt that I was discovering. But it wasn’t enough to just play and discover. I needed to listen and so I did. I listened to the people around me: friends, family, acquaintances and strangers. I listened to anyone that was willing to tell me their stories and to give their opinion on whatever the topic at hand was. I also listened to my heart and the gods, ancestors and beings that I hold sacred. I found that every person, every being, had something valuable to say. I understood then that my voice had value too. As much value as any other. I learned that there are no greater or lesser voices, only that some are brave and some are timid. The magic began to spread.