4. Spot the red flags.
You’ve probably said it to yourself a zillion times after you’ve been burned by someone: “I
kind of knew he was going to do that, but I didn’t want to look stupid or paranoid by saying
something.” Whoa! See that? Yeah—the big, red flag your subconscious is waving at you.
Pay attention to it when you have a gut feeling. They’re clues that warn us when to avoid
certain situations. Once you know you can trust your judgment, no matter what others say,
you’ll feel stronger, braver, and less like a sitting duck waiting for manipulation or abuse.
5. Put it in writing.
Whenever you feel yourself sliding down on the self-esteem-meter, do a writing exercise. It
can help you regain perspective. Write a list about one of the following topics that appeals to
you:
v achievements
v things you’re good at
v things other people say you’re good at
v your best physical traits
v names of people who are on your side in life
v things for which you’re grateful
Another exercise you could try is “wrapping up unfinished business.” It helps you complete
communication -- you know, tie up loose ends with someone. Is there anybody in your life
that you never got to say good-bye to because they left, moved away, or even died? That’s
unfinished business. Is there anybody who hurt you, made you mad, scared you, or shamed
you, but you never told them? That’s unfinished business, too. Is there anybody you owe an
apology to? Or need to thank? Bingo. Loose ends. Write them each a letter and tell them
what you need to tell them. Don’t worry (and don’t hold back), ‘cause you’re not going to
mail them. You’re doing this just for you. Be brutally honest with yourself about how you
feel or felt. Honesty like this can be totally healing. Caution: Lots of emotions and
memories will come up while you’re writing . . . and it’s not a bad thing. Notice how you
feel afterward. Most people feel really relieved, which is a clue that some healing has taken
place.
6. Use your voice.
Memorizing a saying, quotation, or poem can help you squeak through a tricky situation.
Here are a few ideas:
v Stay out of other people’s heads. Whenever you start worrying about what others are
thinking, repeat this to yourself,
“What’s going on in their brain is none of my business. If it were, they’d tell me. Silence
means everything is okay.”
v When you’ve been rejected, remind yourself,
“They decided what was best for themselves. The rejection is about them getting
what they want -- not about me at all. It’s not personal.”
v If you need to tell somebody how you feel, use what’s called assertion training:
PROTEAM DREAMQUEST CURRICULUM
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