LaRae Quy
How to make it work for you : Listen to people rather than talk . Many times what people say is not as important as what they don ’ t say . Listen with your entire body : Maintain eye contact , nod and keep your mouth shut . It takes practice to be a good listener because you will need to keep your mind focused on what the other person is saying . Push aside thoughts that want to intrude , even if they ’ re important . Focus on what the person has said , and then dig through that to get to the deeper truth .
3 . Builds social skills A recent study on workplace culture by LinkedIn found that 86 % of millennials ( between the ages of 22 and 37 ) would consider a pay cut to work at a company whose mission and values align with their own . A survey by Bloomberg News and Morning Consult found that for Gen Z ( between the ages of 15 and 22 ), it ’ s less about the product and more about the organization .
These consumers expect the organization ’ s core values to be reflected by senior leadership . Organizations can no longer get away with simply providing goods or services . They are also expected to deliver their message with honesty and compassion -- in other words , empathy .
But here ’ s the rub : While both Millennials and Gen Z crave being heard and valued , they ’ ve become so caught up in technology that they ’ ve dumbed down their social skills . Psychologist Sara Konrath found a trend among young people -- they ’ ve become less empathic ! American college students showed a 48 % decrease in empathic concern and a 34 % drop in their ability to see other people ’ s perspectives .
The younger workforce may not come equipped with as many social skills as their older counterparts . As a leader , you need to nurture a new generation of leaders . Some people are gifted at sensing how others feel and think , while others are not . Studies show that even if employees are not skilled ( or even that smart ), they can still form smart teams when they ’ re taught to exhibit social sensitivity to the other members of the group . In other words , empathy .
How to make it work for you : While there is some disagreement on whether empathy is a skill that can be learned , below are some tips on how you can improve your empathy and help others in your organization :
Program Success 27 November 2019
4 . Makes conflicts easier to handle Empathy understands and identifies with the emotions of another , even if it doesn ’ t agree .
When you perceive what the other person wants and needs , it gives you a step up on how to reach a win-win solution . If you don ’ t try to place yourself in their situation , it ’ s easy to misread their signals . Instead , you react and think as you would , not them .
Empathy is not the same as love or affection . It doesn ’ t require us to even like the people with whom we can show empathy . When an empathic leader can sense what another person is thinking , it can be very helpful in everything from negotiating a salary to planning a social event for the family .
“ When you show deep empathy toward others , their defensive energy goes down , and positive energy replaces it . That ’ s when you can get more creative in solving problems .” ~ Stephen Covey
How to make it work for you : Look at empathy as a datagathering tool that helps you understand your environment . Whether it ’ s business or life , it will help you scan large amounts of information about people and sort out what is essential from what is noise . Empathy is crucial in negotiations and conflicts . It allows you to understand the other person ’ s needs and what risks they ’ re willing , or not willing , to take before they ’ ll move on .
LaRae Quy was an FBI undercover and counterintelligence agent for 24 years . She exposed foreign spies and recruited them to work for the US government . As an FBI agent , she developed the mental toughness to survive in environments of risk , uncertainty , and deception . Quy is the author of “ Secrets of a Strong Mind ” and “ Mental Toughness for Women Leaders : 52 Tips To Recognize and Utilize Your Greatest Strengths .” If you ’ d like to find out if you are mentally tough , get her free 45-question Mental Toughness Assessment . Follow her on Twitter .
. - Smart and talented people tend to be fast processors of information . Encourage your team to slow down and take a moment to be empathic . For example , if a colleague makes a dumb suggestion , have your team member follow up with an empathic comment like , “ I can see why you think that , but it doesn ’ t follow our guidelines .” The point is to encourage people to make a 60-second investment of time with the other person to affirm they heard their suggestion , gave it some thought and chose a different direction . Even those who make dumb suggestions don ’ t need to be humiliated .
- Read more novels . A recent study suggests that people who ead more fiction score much higher on empathy tests .
- Mix it up . Smart teams are effective because trust has been created within the group , but another study shows that when we interact with those outside our group or team , it increases our brain ’ s empathic response . Teamwork is essential , but it can also be insular , so don ’ t forget to mix it up .
LaRae Quy
Author | Executive Coach | Leadership Consultant
Empathy Essential Skill Successful Leader LaRae Quy Author , Executive Coach , Leadership Consultant Jacksonville , Florida November 2019