The Christian Reader November 2006 33
LOOKING FOR
MR. RIGHT ?
He Will Find You!
First we must allow our Heavenly Father to do the picking. And second, the decision for a mate must be made on a spiritual and
intellectual basis before it’s made on an emotional one. “What about
love? Shouldn’t that be the third? You ask. No, and I’ll tell you why.
“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can
understand it? (Jer. 17:9). The heart is willful and is driven by its own
agenda. It does not consider things rationally and intelligently - it just
loves to love! Therefore, you have to point it in the right directions:
“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (Prov.
4:23). Whenever you meet a man, you need to get clearance from
God, check out his attributes, and
then allow your heart to engage.
Dating exists not for mating; it
exists for collecting data. I
believe that the biblical design
would be friendship, courtship,
and then marriage. Friendship is
two people walking together in
agreement and accountability,
learning and growing together.
Courtship follows the mutual
agreement to commit to one
another exclusively - it is the decisive
turning
toward
the
agreed-upon goal of the marriage
altar. It is a period of laying a
foundation and preparing your life
together after marriage. But dating? Well, if you do date, use the
time wisely to gather facts:
1. Check out the fabric. Is the
person mate material? Does this
man have an intimate relationship
with the Father through Jesus
Christ? Does he care what God
thinks about his behavior? Is he
accountable to God as well as
another co-laborer in the faith?
Accountability is an important factor. It is imperative to maintaining
a committed relationship. Is your potential spouse a member of the
same family - the family of God? Scripture is clear on this: “Do not
be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and
wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with
darkness?” (2 Cor. 6:14). You need to have common interests and values and agree on the essentials of living day to day. You have a
similar spiritual walk. You eat the same spiritual diet. You enjoy a
lot of similar things. You have like interests, like goals in life, like
opinions on basic life issues. You have had like experiences in your
background.
Though there is some truth to the idiom that opposites attract, likeminded folks fare better together. Furthermore, does he want to get
married? If you want to be married and your dreamboat isn’t interested, don’t waste your time. Remember, women fall in love and get
married. Men decide to get married and then look for a wife. Note
the difference in order. So if a guy says he’s not looking for anything
serious, take his words seriously. If he’s not going in your direction,
get off the bus and wait for the right one.
2. Does this man want you? Is he pursuing you? The man who
is right for you will pursue you, and God’s hand in the relationship will
be clear. No guessing, no fleeces, no dead ends. Scripture says: “He
who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord”
(Prov. 18:22). Note—who finds whom? THE MAN FINDS THE
WIFE. From the beginning of time, God has transported men and
women across the world in order to put
them together. At the RIGHT TIME,
He will bring that man on the scene and
he will find you. In God’s perfect
design, the man is the one who recognizes his mate. Adam had no problem
recognizing that Eve was his missing
rib. You do not need to strategically
place yourself anywhere. You don’t
have to help a guy out because he’s
shy! Men will do whatever they have
to do to get what they truly want.
The man in your life should recognize
you as the pearl of great price in his life
and be willing to do whatever he must
in order to gain your hand. If he is
passive about gaining your affections,
take it as a sign that he is not interested.
Many a woman’s mother has suggested
that it is a good idea to marry a man
who loves you more than you love him.
As cold as that sounds, it actually might
be scriptural if you stop to think about
it: “We love him because He first
loved us” (1 John 4:19). Until then,
take the ultimate chill pill.
You don’t need a bunch of men in your
life to make you feel all right about
yourself. You need only one m