Program Success 8 October 2016
How to Stop Negative Thoughts
Program Success 8 October 2016
Shut the Duck Up Marjorie Busse Coaching & Leadership Development Vancouver Calgary , Toronto June 2017
How to Stop Negative Thoughts
The noise in my head gets in my way sometimes . It can often be loud , irritating , controversial and often not very helpful . I am not referring to the discerning voices of wisdom , self challenge and safety . It ’ s the jarring ones .
In my personal life and as a coach , I am often faced with what I refer to as quacking duck syndrome . It is a constant stream of negative self-talk that stops a client from stepping into what they are actually capable of . It ’ s a common problem for so many people , no matter how accomplished or experienced they might be . My coachees have shared with me several examples of unhelpful self-talk ranging from judgemental / blaming , frightened child , victim / martyr , to self-righteous and selfdeprecating .
I can ’ t recall how many times I ’ ve read research that attempts to quantify how many negative thoughts we have each day . Invariably the numbers are dauntingly in favor of negative … often in the 85 - 90 %+ range ! That seems crazy !
The Origins of Negative Self-Talk
There are a number of theories on why negative self-talk is so common and where all the quacking ducks come from :
1 . Evolutionary Survival Technique
In this theory , negativity is a mechanism humans have used in order to identify potential danger and survive . Since the days of evading sabre-toothed tigers are long over , this mechanism may have limited value . It can be helpful when crossing the street or deciding to make a leap into the deep end .
2 . Religious Repression
Another explanation for the abundance of negative self-talk lays the blame on religious upbringings . Some religions teach us not to be arrogant , not to brag , always think of others before yourself , try harder etc . Feeling like you ’ re never quite meeting the mark can lead to self-doubt and questioning .
In my opinion , I think this phenomenon is more common than any religion can actually lay claim to . The presence of ducks is just as common in atheists as it is in any church , temple or synagogue .
3 . Blame it on the parents
This theory is my personal favourite . “ Don ’ t do this , don ’ t do that , why did you do that ? What were you thinking ? ” are common phrases we parents utter , usually with good intent , multiple times a day . As a parent and grandparent I am afraid that I am the ducks voice in my children ’ s heads some days .
While we might not understand exactly why the quacking of negative self-talk is so common , we can look at ways to “ SHUT THE DUCK UP !”
The Importance of Negative Self-Talk
Having no negative thoughts ever would be just as bad as an abundance of paralyzing negative self-talk . Negative thoughts are actually critical to our success . They help us to fit in socially , learn how not to aggravate our spouse , family members or business relationships . For example , if you notice that a person doesn ’ t look happy , your own ducks may help you consider what you are saying .
When I first started working with this duck metaphor , I was thinking that all ducks were bad . It didn ’ t take long to recognize that not all ducks are bad , some of them come from hard-won wisdom . Some of them help us out of bed in the morning to get to work on time so we don ’ t get fired !
The first step when working with a client with a lot of interfering ducks , is to sort the ducks into the good and bad kinds . We look at what thoughts bring wisdom and value and which thoughts need to be examined or put into the ‘ old story ’ pile . Some ducks we ’ d like to send flying south , there ’ s a few we ’ d like to just get into formation and many many we ’ d like to get rid of . As in serve it up as Peking Duck !