Janie Lacy Mental Health Counselor Traumatic Childhood Orlando , Florida July 2019
3 Ways Your Traumatic Childhood Stops You From Having Healthy Relationships
What happened in the past doesn ’ t always stay in the past . Childhood is the prime time for brain development and the time when people typically learn to have healthy attachments and a stable sense of love and security .
But , when a person experiences something traumatic during childhood , it can interrupt their brain development and change their sense of healthy relationships . Every person deserves to have loving and healthy relationships that they can rely on for support throughout their lives .
However , survivors of childhood trauma , abuse , or neglect have a harder time forming healthy relationships because of their negative views of the people who have hurt them .
Here are 3 ways childhood trauma prevents you from being in a healthy relationship as an adult .
1 You are attracted to destructive relationships It is not uncommon for someone who survived trauma to end up in unhealthy relationships . The survivors believe they need to fix the people that they are in intimate relationships with . Or , they see signs of an unhealthy relationship and feel as though they deserve to be with someone who treats them poorly because someone in their past treated them poorly .
3 . You have low self-esteem and self-worth Survivors of trauma often look at themselves with disgust , shame , or a feeling that they are unlovable . The survivor questions their values and everything they believed in — including their own self-worth .
Questioning can cause some people to withdraw and isolate from relationships and lead others to become extremely codependent on their relationship . Due to this low self-esteem and self-worth , often times people will begin to question their judgment and question who they are and what their identity is .
Feelings of unworthiness , invalidation , and disconnect from self are all signs that childhood trauma is continuing to cause a ripple effect throughout the survivor ’ s life and relationships . It is important to recogniz e the presence of childhood trauma and how that trauma has continued to impact your life into adulthood . Establishing healthy boundaries and communication at the beginning of any relationship is essential to ensure both people in the relationship are on the same page .
If you believe your childhood trauma is adding to an unhealthy attachment to relationships , difficulty managing emotions , or low self-esteem , then it may be helpful for you to process the past pain with a therapist specializing in childhood trauma and PTSD .
These unhealthy relationships end up re-traumatizing the survivor but the person doesn ’ t realize it until much later in the relationship . Chaos and / or abuse in an unhealthy relationship may feel familiar to the survivor . However , they believe that somehow this time is going to be different . The internal chaos caused by the trauma may interfere with your ability to create realistic expectations for yourself and the other person in the relationship .
2 . It ’ s difficult to regulate emotions If a survivor of childhood trauma has not allowed themselves to heal from their traumatic past , then they may notice some difficulties with regulating emotions . Unresolved trauma can keep the survivor on high alert and make them more prone to react with anger or impulsivity .
Trauma can also increase fear and anxiety in situations that usually would not lead to negative emotions . These reactions often have to do with a hyperactive amygdala that results from past traumatic experiences . If you are in a relationship , it is important to recognize how past trauma is affecting your ability to experience emotions as an adult .
Janie Lacy is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and owner of Life Counseling Solutions ( LCS ), in Maitland , Florida , where they specialize in helping men and women recover and heal in order to become happier and healthier people . To learn more or schedule an appointment , visit her website : www . JanieLacy . com