This Is How a Black Woman Unravels
By Temi Oni Guest Columnist
I walk a lot . I have a car , but sometimes , it ’ s nice to be able to look around you and see what ’ s out there . I lived in New York City for about four years , so walking is no big deal . Cat-calling is no big deal . I was walking , today , in the Baltimore Inner Harbor . It was broad daylight . 2 p . m ., or so . I was minding my business — I ’ m always minding my business . I saw a boy — couldn ’ t have been more than 17 — walking alongside me , but it really isn ’ t a big deal . I call him a boy , because I ’ m almost 30 , and anyone who is less than 25 I equate to be the same as my little brother ; He ’ s 21 and to me , he ’ s still a kid . A kid walking beside me isn ’ t a big deal because I ’ m used to being spoken to , or flirted with . I don ’ t like it , but I ’ m used to it . I ’ m polite ( if they are ). I decline . I keep it movin ’. Whatever . I have my headphones in . The Carters are playing and I hear this kid saying something to me . I think I hear him , but I ’ m not sure . My music is kinda loud , kinda not . He says , “ Do you suck d — k ?” Nah , he can ’ t be talking to me . I keep listening to my music . Walking . He ’ s closer now . I lower the volume . He ’ s closer . He ’ s testy . He ’ s agitated . He repeats . “ I said , Do You Suck D — k ?” I ’ m looking around like , “ Who the **&# is he talking to ?” I ’ m wishing my girls are here , because they know I ’ m crazy . I ’ m wishing my husband is here , because he knows I ’ m crazy . I ’ m sizing him up , because he must think I ’ m someone else . He ’ s a good 5 feet 11 inches , probably 180 pounds . He looks like he tried out for the football team and didn ’ t make it . His clothes are dirty . He ’ s sweating . He ’ s raggedy . I see what this is . Maybe he thought he would try to say something slick because my headphones were in and he knew I couldn ’ t hear him , so he ’ s practicing . Maybe , he ’ s the guy that doesn ’ t get girls and is trying to play tough because some girls around his way like to be spoken to like that . I pause . I tell myself , “ Maybe you can use this as a teaching moment .” I say to him : “ You should be ashamed of yourself .” I ’ m proud . I handled that like an adult . He ’ ll feel bad . He ’ ll say , “ Damn . My bad shordee .”
Program Success 11 Fall 2018
This is How a Black Woman Unravels Temi Oni Jacksonville , Florida Fall 2018
He ’ ll be sorry . He looks at me . Dryly . Directly . “ Shut the fuck up before I take you behind this tree and rape you .” It ’ s like I ’ m hearing in slow motion : “ Shut the fuck up before I take you behind this tree and rape you .” I see red . Then and now . If you ’ ve ever been to the Inner Harbor , you know that it ’ s kind of like a strip with no beach , just struggling shops and a body of water that goes around the city . I think , “ Maybe I should push him .” Maybe I should push him in the water so that he can never say some BS like that again . Or spit in his face . Or slap him . Or kick him . Or something . Or something … Maybe , if I hurt him , he will never say something like this to another woman again . I stand there for a second and try to think of what I should say . What do you say to someone when they tell you they ’ re going to rape you ? I ’ m a hot head so I have insults for days . I ’ ll start by telling him he ’ s a piece of shit . How he ’ s never going to be anything . How only someone who was nothing would say something like that . I can ’ t do this . How can I look a black boy in his face and tell him he is nothing ? I crumble . I hate him and feel bad for him at the same time . I wonder who failed him ; Who in his life made him feel like it was OK to be like this . I start to walk away . In a split second , I go from angry to anxious and I have this sudden feeling that I ’ m in danger . My bag is dangling on my shoulder , but I quickly switch it to crossbody position . I start speed walking to put some distance between us . I look over my shoulder . He ’ s sitting down on a cement-like bench near the water , staring at me . Smiling . I want him to fall in . I wonder if he can swim . I hope he can ’ t . continued on page 12