Denyce Gartrell , MA , Global Relationship Strategist Relationship Coach , Speaker , Author , Media Personality
Speak So He Will Listen Denyce Gartrell Relationship Coach , Author Orlando , Florida December 2014
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How to Speak So He Will Listen
Denyce Gartrell , MA , Global Relationship Strategist Relationship Coach , Speaker , Author , Media Personality
Men are intellectualizers ; and women are emotionalizers . And , as we all know , men and women communicate differently which can create conflict , frustrations , misunderstandings and even withdrawal from one another .
Now , this is not to say that , men don ’ t feel , and women are irrational . But , once we recognize that our brains operate differently , we may gain a better understanding of how to use these different communication methods to our advantage .
First , let me share with you an interview where I explain “ The Language of Men ”: http :// www . news4jax . com / news / The-language-of-men / 25581558 .
One of the biggest complaints from women is , “ Men don ’ t listen .” And , most men believe that women are too emotional and aren ’ t rational thinkers , like men .
For example , men are action-oriented . Rarely do you hear a man talk about what he ’ s GOING to do . He just does the task at hand , and will let you know when he ’ s done .
But , women want to communicate through the entire process . We want details and become frustrated when men shut us out , and “ don ’ t want to talk about it ”. Women , as mentioned in the video above , are communicators , and our brains have been wired that way . However , it ’ s HOW we talk to a man that will determine if he will listen .
A woman ’ s timing is also important . An example of this is , when a man has experienced a hard day at work , the last thing that he wants to do is “ talk ” when he immediately comes home . I wouldn ’ t recommend trying to strike a conversation while his favorite football team is playing either . Approach and timing are critical .
Therefore , if a woman wants her man to listen , take the pressure out of communication . Give him an opportunity to relax and unwind . And , don ’ t say , “ Honey , we need to talk ”, or a man will immediately think , “ Oh , here comes another test , and I am going to fail ”.
You see , most men have been conditioned to think that communication can make you vulnerable which is a weakness . But , actually , communication is necessary , if a couple is to have a relationship of trust , honesty , openness , and emotional intimacy .
Yes , a relationship should have three elements to be healthy and successful-- spiritual , psychological and physical . And , a man has not experienced the best of a woman until he ’ s tapped into her emotional being .
Here ’ s a more effective approach to convey your desire to converse : “ Honey , when you have relaxed , please let me know , because I ’ d like us to discuss _________ together . But , there ’ s no pressure . Just let me know when you ’ re ready .”
This way you have prepared him for the conversation at hand , so he knows what to expect , and you ’ ve also said those magic words that men love to hear , “ No pressure ”!!!
And , when the pressure is alleviated , he is more open to the discussion . Another tip : Since men are action-oriented , try talking about issues while walking sometimes . This way he is communicating in an element that works best for him . Plus , it ’ s great exercise for you both !
Denyce Gartrell is a trusted Relationship Strategist , Speaker , Author , Domestic Violence Advocate , and Florida Supreme Court Family Mediator . She specializes in domestic violence educational training programs for organizations , and helps individuals to resolve conflict ; to maximize communication in their relationships ; and to achieve high-performing partnerships .