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During my initial medical education, LGBTQ+ healthcare issues rarely came up. There were many topics to cover, and sexual orientation, gender identity and the social determinants of health were not cornerstones, at that time. Being a member of the LGBTQ+ community fell by the wayside of pursuing one of my main goals in life, becoming a physician. Once my two years were completed in Maine, I headed to clinical rotations all over the United States. During my military rotations, no one brought up sexual orientation, as “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” (DADT) still stood firm. As an Osteopathic Medical Student, I began to realize it was problematic that my patients may not be able to discuss with me a significant part of their social history.
During my residency training years at Camp Pendleton, I formed my skills as a family medicine physician I also made many lifelong friends, who I still am lucky enough to serve with today. I discussed my sexual orientation with the small group of people closest to me, but wasn’t dating anyone serious during these years. Between the 80-hour work weeks, finding a match seemed difficult. In the primary care community, I began hearing more rumblings about the repeal of “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell”. We filled out surveys to discuss how we as military members felt about the repeal of “Don’t Ask , Don’t Tell” would affect us. My primary answer was always that it will allow my patients of all sexual orientations to be more honest with me, so I can provide them the best medical care. I graduated residency in the Summer of 2011 and headed off to be a staff Family Medicine provider.
At my first staff duty station, I was able to find my groove as a new physician. Through my first few months at the Naval Hospital in Twentynine Palms, many changes happened. The news announcements came out with Major General Patton stating “Statements about sexual orientation will no longer be a bar to enlisting in the military or a cause for dismissal,”. He also stated the primary reason was to allow troops to live honestly : “During “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”, gay and lesbian service members were required by law to withhold their sexual orientation, and in some cases, they potentially violated their own personal integrity, upon repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”, they won’t be placed in that predicament.” However, the press release was also clear that certain benefits could not be extended. Unfortunately, the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) still stood, despite some states (such as my home state of Massachusetts) extending same sex unions. Federal law still said that same sex unions could not be recognized. During my time at my first duty station, I also met an amazing woman, Cassandra Stepp-Bolling, who shared my passion for helping people and animals. She was one of the few people that seemed happy to keep up with my frantic pace, especially as her work as a college professor had her going at a similar tempo. As our relationship began to grow, I began to see that, despite being able to be open in the military, there may be come boundaries to our blooming relationship. In California, her home state and my duty location, Proposition 8 still stood, forbidding any marriage prospects in our future at that time. I was selected for fellowship, and headed back to Camp Pendleton, uncertain where things might lead.
Shortly before my Sports Medicine fellowship began, Cassie and I took a vacation to Hawaii. I woke up early one morning, and on the news, I saw the DOMA and Proposition 8