Chapter 16 81
bear solitude . I must have employment and society . A military life is not what I was intended for , but circumstances have now made it eligible . The church ought to have been my profession--I was brought up for the church , and I should at this time have been in possession of a most valuable living , had it pleased the gentleman we were speaking of just now ."
" Indeed !"
" Yes--the late Mr . Darcy bequeathed me the next presentation of the best living in his gift . He was my godfather , and excessively attached to me . I cannot do justice to his kindness . He meant to provide for me amply , and thought he had done it ; but when the living fell , it was given elsewhere ."
" Good heavens !" cried Elizabeth ; " but how could that be ? How could his will be disregarded ? Why did you not seek legal redress ?"
" There was just such an informality in the terms of the bequest as to give me no hope from law . A man of honour could not have doubted the intention , but Mr . Darcy chose to doubt it--or to treat it as a merely conditional recommendation , and to assert that I had forfeited all claim to it by extravagance , imprudence--in short anything or nothing . Certain it is , that the living became vacant two years ago , exactly as I was of an age to hold it , and that it was given to another man ; and no less certain is it , that I cannot accuse myself of having really done anything to deserve to lose it . I have a warm , unguarded temper , and I may have spoken my opinion of him , and to him , too freely . I can recall nothing worse . But the fact is , that we are very different sort of men , and that he hates me ."
" This is quite shocking ! He deserves to be publicly disgraced ."
" Some time or other he will be--but it shall not be by me . Till I can forget his father , I can never defy or expose him ."
Elizabeth honoured him for such feelings , and thought him handsomer than ever as he expressed them .