Chapter 58 350
the latter which , in her ladyship ' s apprehension , peculiarly denoted her perverseness and assurance ; in the belief that such a relation must assist her endeavours to obtain that promise from her nephew which she had refused to give . But , unluckily for her ladyship , its effect had been exactly contrariwise .
" It taught me to hope ," said he , " as I had scarcely ever allowed myself to hope before . I knew enough of your disposition to be certain that , had you been absolutely , irrevocably decided against me , you would have acknowledged it to Lady Catherine , frankly and openly ."
Elizabeth coloured and laughed as she replied , " Yes , you know enough of my frankness to believe me capable of that . After abusing you so abominably to your face , I could have no scruple in abusing you to all your relations ."
" What did you say of me , that I did not deserve ? For , though your accusations were ill-founded , formed on mistaken premises , my behaviour to you at the time had merited the severest reproof . It was unpardonable . I cannot think of it without abhorrence ."
" We will not quarrel for the greater share of blame annexed to that evening ," said Elizabeth . " The conduct of neither , if strictly examined , will be irreproachable ; but since then , we have both , I hope , improved in civility ."
" I cannot be so easily reconciled to myself . The recollection of what I then said , of my conduct , my manners , my expressions during the whole of it , is now , and has been many months , inexpressibly painful to me . Your reproof , so well applied , I shall never forget : ' had you behaved in a more gentlemanlike manner .' Those were your words . You know not , you can scarcely conceive , how they have tortured me ; --though it was some time , I confess , before I was reasonable enough to allow their justice ."
" I was certainly very far from expecting them to make so strong an impression . I had not the smallest idea of their being ever felt in such a