Prerogative Fall 2020 - Page 53

Of course, nothing is ideal, so there is still a question of handling the inevitable disputes. One of my older relatives gave me some advice on that. “Never go to bed angry,” he said. “Any unpleasantness should be resolved during the course of the day.” My gosh, as I would learn, how true that is. Even small things, if left unresolved, will become big things over time, creating resentment and frustration. Communication is an essential component of any solid relationship, and you always have to know what is in the other person’s heart, and be willing to talk about it. As hard as it is to do, honesty is crucial. Just tell me the truth, even if it does hurt my feelings. Hiding something from me hurts even worse in the long run. But it’s difficult to discuss anything if you are with someone who is on the opposite end of where you stand and there is an ocean of differences between you that cannot be resolved because you are, well, too different. As we all know, sometimes it is difficult to discern who a person really is during the infatuation stage. We often see who we want to see and project what we want the other person to see. People misrepresent themselves because they don’t want to lose what they have, afraid to upset the fantasy apple cart. Infatuation always leaves, though. It is, or should be, the first step. What happens next is the most important part. If that initial explosion of emotions can gradually transition into loving another person to their cores and understanding, respecting and accepting them for who they are, well, then you have something. Too bad people often marry before that transition, before they really know the other person completely. Hard to have a good marriage after that. Well, I guess there are exceptions, like my Uncle Amos and Aunt Faye, who were married for more than 60 years. I always heard they never had a fight. On their wedding day he took her to a cabin he had built in the hills of southern West Virginia, trudg- ing along in a wagon pulled by an old mule named Sadie. After going a short distance, Sadie stopped and wouldn’t move. Uncle Amos hollered, “Number one!” Well, a short time later Sadie stopped again and would not move. “Number two!” Uncle Amos screamed, and she moved. Right before they arrived, Sadie stopped yet again, refusing to budge. Uncle Amos hopped off the wagon, reached under the floorboard and pulled out a revolver. He walked up to Sadie and shot her in the head, killing her on the spot. Aunt Faye was livid, yelling at him, questioning his sanity. He turned around, looked at her, and yelled: “Number one!” – Contact Charles Boothe at cboothe@bdtonline.com “ I questioned whether I agreed, because I had never considered wanting to be with someone just like me. With experience, though, including some bad judgments along the way, I eventually learned she was exactly right. The more alike you are, the more likely you will have a lasting relationship.” Prerogative Magazine 51