Of course, nothing is ideal, so there is still a question
of handling the inevitable disputes.
One of my older relatives gave me some advice on
that.
“Never go to bed angry,” he said. “Any unpleasantness
should be resolved during the course of the
day.”
My gosh, as I would learn, how true that is.
Even small things, if left unresolved, will become
big things over time, creating resentment and frustration.
Communication is an essential component
of any solid relationship, and you always have to
know what is in the other person’s heart, and be willing
to talk about it.
As hard as it is to do, honesty is crucial.
Just tell me the truth, even if it does hurt my feelings.
Hiding something from me hurts even worse in
the long run.
But it’s difficult to discuss anything if you are with
someone who is on the opposite end of where you
stand and there is an ocean of differences between
you that cannot be resolved because you are, well,
too different.
As we all know, sometimes it is difficult to discern
who a person really is during the infatuation stage.
We often see who we want to see and project what
we want the other person to see. People misrepresent
themselves because they don’t want to lose what they
have, afraid to upset the fantasy apple cart.
Infatuation always leaves, though. It is, or should
be, the first step.
What happens next is the most important part.
If that initial explosion of emotions can gradually
transition into loving another person to their cores
and understanding, respecting and accepting them
for who they are, well, then you have something.
Too bad people often marry before that transition,
before they really know the other person completely.
Hard to have a good marriage after that.
Well, I guess there are exceptions, like my Uncle
Amos and Aunt Faye, who were married for more
than 60 years.
I always heard they never had a fight.
On their wedding day he took her to a cabin he had
built in the hills of southern West Virginia, trudg-
ing along in a wagon pulled by an old mule named
Sadie.
After going a short distance, Sadie stopped and
wouldn’t move.
Uncle Amos hollered, “Number one!”
Well, a short time later Sadie stopped again and
would not move.
“Number two!” Uncle Amos screamed, and she
moved.
Right before they arrived, Sadie stopped yet again,
refusing to budge.
Uncle Amos hopped off the wagon, reached under
the floorboard and pulled out a revolver. He walked
up to Sadie and shot her in the head, killing her on
the spot.
Aunt Faye was livid, yelling at him, questioning his
sanity.
He turned around, looked at her, and yelled:
“Number one!”
– Contact Charles Boothe at cboothe@bdtonline.com
“
I questioned whether
I agreed, because I had
never considered wanting
to be with someone just
like me. With experience,
though, including some
bad judgments along the
way, I eventually learned
she was exactly right. The
more alike you are, the
more likely you will have
a lasting relationship.”
Prerogative Magazine 51