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BY JOE GORE

Low-performance , high drama ( L-R ):

Tempo ES-335 �������� �las��� Maccaferri G-40 , Cathedranola faux-resonator ,

Squier Hello Kitty Stratocaster .

This isn ’ t the first time I ’ ve compared guitar recording to acting (“ Recording Guitarist Are You Ready for Your Close- Up — and Should You Be ,” February 2015 ), but , hey , the costume still fits . Selecting tones can be like playing a role . You ’ re not always being cast as studly Sean Connery in a tuxedo or Scarlett Johansson in a slinky cat suit . Sometimes you ’ ve got to be more like Charlize Theron uglifying herself to play serial killer Aileen Wuornos in Monster , or John Hurt donning a horrific rubber costume to portray deformed Joseph “ John ” Merrick in The Elephant Man .

Dead tones . I learned this lesson many years ago when I first started recording with Tom Waits , whose music has deliberately homely and grotesque qualities . He asked me to bring a banjo to a session . I arrived with my Deering , a beautiful and expensive instrument I ’ d inherited . After a few notes , Tom frowned .

“ Maybe you should take off the resonator ,” he suggested , referring to the wooden plate behind the head that makes the banjo louder and brighter .

I unscrewed the resonator , but Tom still looked unhappy . “ Can you make it sound more poor ?” he asked . “ Maybe deaden the strings ?”

I threaded a rag under the strings at the bridge , but still no joy . Tom said , “ Maybe you should just play my banjo .” He produced a dirty , rusted antique with thudding , decades-old strings and sadistically high action . Just playing a simple melody required 100 percent concentration .

“ That ’ s it ,” he said when I tried the part again . “ Death banjo .”

A bevy of beasties . Since then I ’ ve always maintained a few far-from-fine instruments . Don ’ t get me wrong — I own more high-quality guitars than I deserve ,

and they ’ re usually my instruments of first resort . But when drama demands it , I reach for an axe that some players would be tempted to destroy with an axe .

Allow me to introduce four of my perfectly imperfect instruments . Lined up in the photo , these guitars actually look pretty together ! But they don ’ t sound that way .

Take the 335-ish thing at the left . It ’ s a 1960s plywood Gibson knockoff from Japan ’ s Tempo line . It has no tone block , and the neck / body joint is insubstantial , so there ’ s little sustain . The action is skyhigh , and the guitar is almost impossible to intonate . The hardware is featherweight and the whammy bar is a suicide deathtrap . You can ’ t play the Tempo quickly or smoothly . It enforces crude , brutal playing . Ex . 1 features the instrument solo , while Ex . 2 displays its “ charms ” in a band context .

Next up is a plastic Maccaferri G-40 from the 1950s . This is nothing like the guitars that Mario Maccaferri made for Django Reinhardt . It was his attempt to create cheap , mass-produced instruments . It sounds like … well , plastic ( Ex . 3 ).

The tone is thin . The frequency range is limited . Sustain is modest . But the guitar oozes character . A few years ago when I was composing for a public service TV ad about meth addiction ( Ex . 4 ), it felt like the right choice . The guitar also sounds cool through a contact mic plugged into a funky amp with trem and reverb ( Ex . 5 ). I felt like a chump when I paid a couple of hundred pounds for my G-40 in London ’ s Denmark Street a dozen years ago , because I ’ d heard of them selling for less than $ 50 . Now they fetch $ 2,500 or more on EBay and reverb . com . ( Okay , so now it ’ s an expensive guitar . But it still sounds cheap .)

Sad sounds . Next in the rogue ’ s gallery is a 1930s Cathedranola . It ’ s gorgeous at a distance , with its faux-tortoiseshell fretboard and shiny resonator . But closer inspection reveals that it too is a plywood piece of crap . The resonator is purely cosmetic . It was added to dupe potential