FEATURE
39
‘ If I say,“ I will not mention him, or speak any more in his name,” then within there is something like a burning fire shut up in my bones; I am weary with holding it in, and I cannot.’ Jeremiah 20:9( NRSV)
Like Jeremiah, I speak because I am compelled to. My choice is to remember my calling above my emotions. Paul echoes the same sentiment when he speaks of what it means to be ministers of reconciliation because the love of Christ compelled him,( 2 Corinthians 5:14, NIV). The NRSV translates the word as urges. I do not just preach because I enjoy it, I preach because I am a preacher. God never forces me to step into a pulpit or to share his word with others, but he does ask me to. Of course I might not feel like it, but that isn’ t the point. If he has trusted me with the calling of being a preacher then the least I can do is trust him to use me. He doesn’ t need me to be perfect, he just needs me to be willing.
We can sometimes give the impression that we are the centre of the preaching leading to an inflated ego and putting far too much pressure on ourselves. Commenting on preaching, Soren Kierkegaard once wrote,
When I remember that then it makes it even more powerful when I let God use me in the midst of my own confusion in my life provided. I preach because I am called to, not because I feel like it.
CONFIDENCE – LETTING BELIEF SHAPE PRACTICE
Over the last few years one of the hardest things that I have had to deal with has been the impact of trauma in my life. My emotions have been erratic, energy levels low and memory awful. I recently shared with my church family that in one sermon when I was preaching on a passage from Mark’ s Gospel, I could not remember whether Mark was in the Old Testament or the New Testament. I forget names, dates, times and even simple things like whether I am beginning a task or ending it. To be honest, at times it’ s terrifying. This kind of memory loss is not uncommon in trauma and it will pass. People don’ t believe me when I tell them that I am always nervous about preaching. I don’ t have any confidence in my own ability and it doesn’ t matter whether I am speaking to five people or 350,000 people( the biggest crowd I have preached to), I don’ t have confidence in myself.
THE GREAT ILLUSION OF LEADERSHIP IS TO THINK THAT MAN CAN BE LED OUT OF THE DESERT BY SOMEONE WHO HAS NEVER BEEN THERE.
Underneath the lack of confidence in my own ability sits a deep gift of confidence in God’ s ability. I see my task, as the preacher, to be one of building bridges and connections between the truth of God’ s Word and the reality of people’ s lives so that they can hear God, meet him and be transformed by his grace. So when I don’ t feel like preaching I will preach anyway because the people in front of me still need someone to help them to connect with God through his word. That’ s my calling, my job, my responsibility – describe it whatever way you want. My lack of confidence in my ability matched with my confidence in God’ s ability means that I simply have to let God use me. If I don’ t preach, I am choosing not to let God use me and I am putting my own desires before God’ s and I am not willing to do that.
VULNERABILITY – ALLOWING STRENGTH TO BE SEEN IN OUR WEAKNESS
I am humbled that God would choose me for this task and appoint me to it but I am also sure that he uses my preaching, even when I feel useless. So over the years I have learned, in the words of EM Bounds that‘ a prepared heart is much better than a prepared sermon. A prepared heart will make a prepared sermon.’ Preparation is more than examining the text, learning the original language, doing the hard work of hermeneutics and homiletics properly, and having prayerful, worshipful attitudes to God and to his Word. There are also preparations of heartbreak and hope, struggle and victory, death and life, hope and despair that fashion us as preachers. We do not choose them but we cannot avoid these harder instruments of God that fashion us into better preachers. They matter because when we preach we are always addressing at least five consistent needs in human beings. Everywhere people struggle with emptiness, aloneness, fear of death, personal insecurity and guilt. Perhaps those of us who have also struggled with these things can be used by God to help others? Perhaps God needs preachers to be vulnerable? I am drawn to Paul’ s words to the Corinthians about how he came to terms with his own vulnerability:
‘ Three times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said,“ My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.”’ 2 Corinthians 12:8 – 9( NLT)
In his book, The Wounded Healer, Henri Nouwen wrote,
God uses our vulnerability in our preaching. His presence and his power flows through the cracks and the holes in our lives in a beautiful way. What we, as preachers, must be careful not to do is to allow our vulnerability to attract people to us. Instead, we should let it attract people to Christ in us.
As preachers, we aren’ t all brilliant scholars, gifted linguists or brilliant communicators. We are all, however, broken and vulnerable. If we let God use our brokenness and our vulnerability, we might be amazed at what he does with it.
Malcolm Duncan
Malcolm Duncan is the leader of Gold Hill Baptist Church. He is an author, lecturer, advocacy specialist and the chair of the Spring Harvest Planning Group. He is also the founder and chair of the Community Church Network, a network of churches across the UK and beyond that is committed to encountering God and engaging with society.