Some would say that 30 is the new 20, whatever that means. I certainly don’t feel 30, although being around 20-something reminds me that I’m not quite 20 either. This has bestowed a certain uncertainty within myself that I thought I had already come to terms with. My awkward 20s have seemingly long passed, yet I still feel a sense of incompleteness in the business of being 30.
As we get older, things become less awkward and we seem to have a sense of our footing that carries us as we begin taking steps, idealistically, in the right direction. We make plans, set goals, and establish time frames, etc. Still, somehow, somewhere, in between the parties and road trips, goals become more out of focus. We try, we fail, we get discouraged and hop on a plane for an all-girls trip to Miami.
By the time we reach the end of our 20s, we have nothing to show for it. Where did all the time go? Shouldn’t I be married with a house and a couple of kids? Maybe, in a sense, 30 is the new 20. Maybe it’s a chance to do it all over again, but this time with the knowledge of past mistakes made in our 20s. Isn’t that how the old saying goes: “If I knew then what I know now”?
For me, my 20s were about getting it right, building a foundation, so that I could take care of myself. I stumbled along the way and made so many mistakes. I lacked direction and longed for love and acceptance. It seemed to me that there was always something missing. I’ve come to realize now that nothing was really missing, but that it was “I” that was missing everything. In this great, big world, I have offered nothing. I have been so inhibited by my uncertainty that I have barely moved at all. This beautifully creative soul, something that I have come to find scarce in most people, has been sheltered from the world, as the world has called on me to share it.
Only now do I feel that the winds of change beckoning. I accept full responsibility for the choices I’ve made and mistakes that I will most likely continue to make. Here’s to the next chapter, the continuity of self-discovery, and to the old and the new 20s.
Nicole Shank is our ground reporter from Brentwood, N.H.
From Brentwood, N.H.
A Tribute to My Awkward 20s
By Nicole Shank
THE CONNECTOR’S REGIONAL REPORTS