My brother had a milestone birthday in December. I struggled with what to get him because, truly, what do you get for someone who already has it all or can get it all? I decided to throw him a surprise “pre-milestone” party and, as a gift, a “memory book.” I asked his closest friends to send me pictures and stories of their favorite memories with my brother. I compiled them into this scrapbook to give him at the party.
What I realized when looking at these pictures with the captions and the stories his friends sent, I was starting to compare my life with his. I was starting to experience pings of envy, even though I have my own epic memories.
In a sense, this reminded of a common phenomenon known as “Facebook Envy.” It’s when we compare ourselves, our lives, our haves and have-nots, with what we see on this social media outlet. Some individuals start having thoughts relating to how their life is not like what they see from others and this comparison may trigger thoughts relating to “less than,” “not deserving,” “What’s wrong with me,” which subsequently may lead to feelings of sadness/depression, anxiety or stress. Studies (see Krasnova, Hanna, et al., 2013 and Chen, Wenhong, and Kye-Hyoung Lee, 2013) for example, while results are mixed, suggest that this not as uncommon as you may think. In fact, you may have experienced it yourself. So what is one to do if you experience this? Here are three suggestions:
1. Recognize that Facebook posts milliseconds of
peoples’ lives. We generally don’t know how
many hours they may put at their jobs (I have yet
to see posts of people sitting at their desks,
working); or about the arguments and
disagreements right before the picture, or about
the financial struggles surrounding that vacation.
2. Ban yourself from Facebook for a period of
time or from certain feeds. You can block
receiving notifications and control what you see.
3. Take a look at what this may be telling you
about your own life. Maybe you want to increase
your friendships, engage in fun activities or have
epic memories. What small steps will propel you
in that direction? You’ve created your own
Facebook space, now fill it up with things that
make you happy and content with your life.
Bonus: Gratitude for what you have can alleviate
some of that envy. There is nothing to stop you
from having realistic goals and posting it on
Facebook.
For more information, please see her press kit or email [email protected]
Facebook Envy
By Serena Wadhwa Psy.D., LCPC, CADC