IN THE 21ST
CENTURY
-BY POLLY DUNN-
My first date was in the 1980s. I’ll spare you the
exact year, but suffice it to say the internet was not
invented, and the few cell phones that existed were
for emergency use only. There was no such thing as
texting, Snapchat, Facetime or Instagram back then,
and if you wanted to go on a date with someone, you
asked them in one of two ways: in person or by calling them on the phone.
Fast forward to today and our kids have a range
of opportunities for socializing that we would have
never dreamed possible 30 years ago. These advances
in modern technology have changed the way teenagers approach dating relationships, and have left many
parents (me included!) longing for the good old days
when dating seemed much simpler. But it’s time to
face the facts. Times have changed, and as parents
we have to adapt our approach to meet the demands
of the 21st century. With that in mind, here are some
ideas on parenting our teens through their dating
relationships:
IN PERSON
Encourage your son or daughter to spend
time with their girlfriend or boyfriend in
person. One of the best ways for your child
to get to know someone is still through
old-fashioned face-to-face contact. With so
many ways to connect electronically, teens
in dating relationships frequently spend
more time interacting with each other
through social media apps or texts than
they do in real live conversations. Remember, dating is practice for their future adult
relationships. The more live one-on-one
communication practice they get while dating, the better they will be at communicating once they are married. And as a bonus,
encouraging your son or daughter to spend
time with their boyfriend or girlfriend will
allow you to get to know him or her better
too.
26
Did you know text-dating has become so common among teens a new
word has been formed? According to an article on psychologytoday.com,
the term “textationship” refers to relationships based primarily on texts, and
these interactions rarely include face-to-face time or even phone calls.
58%
OF TEENS WOULD ASK SOMEONE
ON A DATE VIA A TEXT MESSAGE
Dr. Polly Dunn is a licensed child psychologist, wife and
mom of four. She is the director of the Auburn University
Psychological Services Center and offers her ‘Perfectly Imperfect Parenting Solutions’ at www.ChildPsychMom.com.
LESS
CONTACT
These days it seems like teens are practically
glued to their cell phones. If someone texts
them, they reply immediately. Same with
Snapchat and Facetime. But guess what?
They don’t have to always reply quickly.
Let them know that it’s okay to wait to
reply to their boyfriend or girlfriend if they
are busy. Encourage them to talk to their
boyfriend or girlfriend about the fact that
they have other relationships, activities
and obligations that may keep them from
being able to respond immediately. And if
they are in their bedroom or the bathroom,
teach your kids to avoid Snapchat, Facetime
and picture texts.
TRADITIONS
Honor dating traditions that make sense
for your family and your values. Discuss
with your teen what your expectations
are for his or her dating relationships. For
example, if a boy wants to go out on a date
with your daughter, let her know that you
expect him to come to the front door and
meet you before they leave. Establish a
curfew and stick to it. Require your teen
to tell you where they will be on their date
and tell them that you expect them to call
or text you if they have a change in plans.
Many of the same rules and expectations
that our parents had for us when we were
dating still work.
DO YOU HAVE ANY TIPS FOR PARENTING YOUR DATING TEEN? WE’D LOVE TO
HEAR FROM YOU! SHARE YOUR IDEAS WITH US AT POTENTIALMAGAZINE.COM.
www.potentialmagazine.com