“ The Wrong Side of Heaven , the Righteous Side of Hell ”
learn to love God . However , he finds himself in a paradox : “ Sarah had been the greatest blessing of his life , and God had taken her away . Now he was expected to love Him for it ? For Neil , it was like having a kidnapper demand love as a ransom for his wife ’ s return . Obedience he might have managed , but sincere , heartfelt love ? That was a ransom he couldn ’ t pay ” ( 218-19 ). He joins a support group of those who witnessed the visitation but is bothered by the suggestion that he should “[ accept ] his role as one of God ’ s subjects ” ( 208 ). Unlike those who have discovered a “ newfound devotion to God ,” Neil is unable to accept his loss and make peace with God ( 208 ).
Unable to find a way to love God , Neil finds a loophole when “ Barry Larsen , a serial rapist and murderer who , while disposing of the body of his latest victim , witnessed an angel ’ s visitation and saw Heaven ’ s light . At Larsen ’ s execution , his soul was seen ascending to Heaven , much to the outrage of his victims ’ families ” ( 225-26 ). Neil decides to become a “ light-seeker ,” one of those who go to sites where angels either arrive or depart the mortal plane . When the angel Barakiel appears , Neil attempts to follow him but ends up crashing his truck into a boulder . However , a shaft of Heaven ’ s light passes over Neil , blinding him . At that moment , “ the light revealed to Neil all the reasons he should love God ” ( 232 ). As he now loves God “ with an utterness beyond what humans can experience for one another ,” he confidently assumes that he will go to Heaven since “ he [ is ] truly worthy of salvation ” ( 232-33 ). Yet , “ God [ sends ] him to Hell anyway ” ( 233 ). In Hell , Neil ’ s sight is restored and he has a perfectly formed body ; nonetheless , he experiences “ more anguish than was possible when he was alive , but his only response is to love God .... He knows his being sent to Hell was not a result of anything he did ; he knows there was no reason for it , no
31