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Popular Culture Review
In the early 1980s, Monette heard rumors and ambiguous reports about a socalled “gay cancer,” but dismissed them from his mind in sheer relief that the
disease had not disturbed the bliss of his relationship with Horwitz. Those hopes
came crashing down on March 12,1985, when Horwitz was diagnosed with AIDS.
From that moment, Monette observes, the world around him became defined by
endings and closures. He notes that he and his friends in the Los Angeles gay
community could hardly recall what it felt hke to live in a world without the icy
terror of AIDS looming ever in the shadows. Chillingly, Monette observes:
.. .we all watched the toll mount in New York, then in San Francisco,
for years before it ever touched us here (in Los Angeles). It comes like a
slowly dawning horror. At first you are equipped with a hundred different
amulets to keep it far away. Then someone you know goes into the hospital,
and suddenly you are at high noon in full battle gear. They have neglected
to tell you that you will be issued no weapons of any sort. So you cobble
together a weapon out of anything that hes at hand, like a prisoner honing
a spoon handle into a stiletto. You fight tough, you fight dirty, but you
cannot fight dirtier than it. (2)
Borrowed Time painstakingly records two men’s daily confrontation with
mortality, and in many ways the memoir reflects aspects of Kubler-Ross’ five stages
of death theory. Monette is highly self-reflexive about the denial exhibited by himself
and Horwitz, and the memoirist comes to the conclusion that such denial is
abundantly human and an affirmation of the human spirit to forge onward even in
the face of catastrophe. Before Horwitz was diagnosed with AIDS, the two
convinced themselves that his symptoms were simply the result of a persistent flu
bug. They also convinced themselves that AIDS was a disease that other gay men
contracted, and that they somehow were magically immune from the devastation
of the disease (5-7). And even when Horwitz’s diagnosis was official, the pair
innocently— at least during the early stages of the disease—assured themselves
they would be able to defeat it. Monette writes: “There is no end to the litany of
reassurance that springs to your lips to ward away the specter. They’ve caught it
early; you’re fine; there’s got to be some kind of treatment. That old chestnut, the
imminent breakthrough” (8).
Kubler-Ross observes that denial is common with almost all patients, not only
during the early stages of illness but also later on from time to time. She notes that
patients can consider the possibility of their death for a while, “but then have to put
this consideration away in order to pursue hfe” (52). Toward that end, Monette and
Horwitz avoided using the word AIDS in front of each other, although Monette
eventually confided in friends about his terror of losing his lover. “I know I uttered