Playtimes HK Magazine Spring Issue 2021 | Page 74

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High Achievers Start Early

If you are a parent , it means you have no secrets , shares Nury Vittachi

SO WHERE WERE YOU ? " Sorry , I ' m late ." A friend who missed a social occasion explained that she had to support her daughter , who was being grilled by a panel of people in suits . “ It ’ s a second interview , so it ’ s really important ,” Sylvia said . I replied : “ But your daughter ’ s two years old .”

It ' s true . In my day , you only had two layers of interviews if your job was pretty important , like being head of the United Nations .
Today , in Hong Kong , you need two interviews to get into a kindergarten .
I was shaking my head over that conversation when a reader forwarded me a resume sent to a school in China . It was filled with professional achievements , although it belonged to a very small boy . This was getting ridiculous . What next ? “ My fetus is studying trigonometry and will start jazz dance immediately after birth .” Or maybe immediately before birth . “ Left leg kick two-three , right leg kick twothree …”
I ’ ve been there myself . When this columnist adopted a Chinese baby , he and his wife were placed in chairs in a room , and then presented with a five-month-old infant for 20 minutes to interview it . What to ask ? “ So , what
do you think you ’ re going to be doing in five years ? How would you describe your strengths and weaknesses ?” His answers weren ’ t exactly textbook ( he basically just dribbled a bit and then fell asleep ), but we gave him a passing grade for general charm and for not pooping on us very much .
How do you judge infants anyway ? I once had to interview a large number of randomly chosen mothers for a survey . It quickly became evident that every mother in the world had given birth to children of way above average intelligence .
I realised that this could only work mathematically if there existed entire cities in which every individual was dumb as a rock . Having travelled a great deal in recent years , I can now confirm this is true .
Judging older children is even tougher . Every year or two I get to be a judge at junior talent contests . This is how they go . 1 . Child screeches off-key for three minutes . Judges : Well done !
2 . Child prances around in dance clothes and falls over . Judges : Well done !
3 . Child creates hideous sounds from instrument . Judges : Well done !
4 . Foul-tempered child refuses to do anything except pee on the stage , and sometimes on the judges . Judges : Well done ! Now before anyone accuses me of being grumpy and cynical , a charge I will deny because it is so obviously true , I will admit that children can sometimes be very admirable indeed . A case in point concerns an incident I was told about by a reader from Japan . A group of children from that country went on a Shinkansen train as part of a school trip . Before arriving at Tokyo Station , they cleaned their carriage . They left it so spotless that the cleaner was stunned . She tracked down the youngsters to the Kawakado Middle School in Tachikawa and wrote a twopage letter thanking them . “ I was deeply moved ,” the cleaner wrote , according to press reports . “ And I cleaned the rest of the train in a state of happiness .”
The cleaner ’ s response didn ’ t surprise me at all . Clearly she ’ s a parent . If my kids ever cleaned their rooms , I would fall to my knees , stunned , and happily write them a two-page thank you letter . I ’ d be so grateful I might even feed and clothe them . Well done !
Nury welcomes your comments and ideas at his Facebook page : www . facebook . com / nury . vittachi
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