Playtimes HK Magazine September 2018 Issue | Page 39

features
Kids are like sponges,
they take it all in, so
you’ve also got to be
very conscious of what
they watch on TV
Justine’s motto with children is that:
“All feelings are OK, it’s what you do
with them that matters.” Parents can’t
just expect a child to change how they
are feeling, no matter how irrational
it may seem, any more than an adult
can change their feelings on demand.
Acknowledging what a child is feeling
and helping younger children to name
their feelings can sometimes be enough
to calm things down. She recommends
questions such as: ‘Can you help me
understand how you feel?’ or ‘Can you
help me understand what’s happening?’
Lucy encourages parents to “act
as a mediator rather than a problem
solver. Parents can help sibling
interactions by phrasing each child’s
grievances in a way that the other can
hear the need and emotion rather than
the blame or anger, i.e. ‘Jason you
are sad because your sister knocked
over your tower. You didn’t want her
to do that.’ Once you have reflected
back both children’s feelings and each
child feels their message has been
heard, the emotional temperature will
come down, and parents can then
ask the siblings if they have any ideas
about solving the problem so that both
children are happy.”
Both experts recommend that
children are involved in finding solutions
(once everyone has calmed down a
little!) and that it is important to separate
the behaviour from the person. “Show
them that sometimes people say or
do things they don’t really mean. They
might feel guilty because they did a
bad thing, but what we don’t want is for
them t