maternity
NEW MOTHERS
IN HONG KONG
Hulda Thorey, registered nurse, midwife and mother, shares how different it was
giving birth in her native Iceland
S
ome days I am grateful that
I had two of my four kids in
Iceland; in a small town where
people don't even bother
locking their homes, rather than here in
Hong Kong.
Back in Iceland, my day would start
with a walk around the town using the
same pram and the same setup every
day: one baby inside and one baby
on top of it—my kids were exactly 14
months apart. After walking around the
harbour, we would go to the swimming
pool, followed by a trip to the bakery.
I would see friends along the way
and sometimes we would start walking
together. By the end of those walks, if I
felt like it, and I could spy a light in my
neighbour's kitchen, we would stop in
and finish our walk with a cup of coffee
with them. Afterwards, my parents
would often stop by unannounced—
like everyone else’s parents in that
small town—and we would have a
quick bite with them in the kitchen.
This kind of lackadaisical lifestyle
would probably drive most Hong Kong
parents crazy.
Sure, there were breadcrumbs on
the floor and dust in the corners. I was
often tired and fed up with household
chores; always arranging babysitters
for my babies, and I would get cold
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and cranky during the winter when the
snow would sometimes cover our front
door completely but I was lucky to be
surrounded by a village, so to speak.
Life wasn't perfect, but as it was, I
had many friends in different stages of
parenting in my life which gave me the
chance to see various parenting styles
and receive input in a casual and
relaxed way. I saw these other parents
out and about, at their worst with
crying babies and also at their best.
Living in Iceland also gave my children
the benefits of growing up with their
grandparents around.
Here in Hong Kong, there is so much to
offer with such a different kind of lifestyle.
It is mostly wonderful and very positive.
People tend to go out of their comfort
zone to do and see new things. Also,
those who grew up here, and still live here,
often appreciate how special this city is.
For the most part, we quite like it that way.
The one thing I find lacking in Hong
Kong, though, is access to that lifestyle
where you can peek into other people's
little ordinary worlds, casually observing
the ups and downs of fellow neighbours
as parents and role models. It’s that
kind of living that allows us to learn from
each other subconsciously and without
judgment. We don’t really have that in
Hong Kong.
Many mothers and fathers I meet in
Hong Kong, to my surprise, have little
idea about taking care of a baby. Of
course once they take on the role, they
do a really good job of it but they are
often quite naive before the baby is born.
Some people I’ve met have never held
a baby, changed diapers, been peed on
or vomited on. They have no concept
about where babies usually sleep, how
long they need to sleep, or what kind
of sounds they make. Many aren't even
sure if they can take their babies out or
when babies can start going to the pool
(the answer is anytime—babies are born
with the inherent ability to swim!)
For me, this is a good thing as I
have built my business around helping
parents find their way. However, I do
feel for the parents who lack the kind
of exposure I had to my fellow parents
back in Iceland—the sort of exposure
that is only available if people are
casually being parents around them.
I’m happy to be able to help so
many parents in Hong Kong because
some of the advice they get from
other parents is often very harsh and
spoken in absolutes. "Don’t ever..."
and "you should always..." can seem
like straightforward advice, but when
it is conflicting advice, it can get very
confusing and very stressful.