5
Establish boundaries and stick to them. Everyone that lives in your house should be part of making the household run. No one person should shoulder the entire responsibility. Teens are no exception. Decide, as a family, who is going to do what. Be reasonable! Assign everyone a chore and not more than two chores, plus keeping their own room clean. Instead of arguing and fighting with them when they don't do what they were supposed to do, let them suffer the consequences. When they ask to go out with their friends and their chores are not done, you can say, with empathy, "Oh, that sounds like so much fun. But unfortunately, you never did your chores this week and your room is a mess. I'm so sorry you can't go." They'll want to make a deal with you immediately. That's when you can say, "I'll tell you what, as soon as your chores are done and your room is clean, you can go." Stick to this pattern. Discipline yourself to not fume and be angry when they aren't keeping to the family plan and doing their chores. Wait patiently. An opportunity will arise for you to deal with the situation. Using empathy and the "as soon as..." approach, you can effectively make it a win-win situation for both of you, thus avoiding anyone having to be angry.
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