Then the question is how do we set up boundaries and why? Before we can set boundaries of any kind, we have to know who we are as an individual. What is important to me? What thoughts and feelings are worth protecting? If we have never really considered these questions, outlining a self-image or clear sense of identity should be the first step.
Think of it as a good way to build self-esteem<http://www.basic-life-skills-made-easy.com/self-esteem.html> and increase success in your life.
List your beliefs, values and goals, take some time to consider the most important ones and think about the limits you would put on each of them. How far would you go to defend them? How easy would it be for someone to talk you out of them?
This creates a base for setting personal boundaries. Establishing basic beliefs, values and goals; keeping them in mind; and making them a part of everyday behavior will help us make better decisions. It also helps us maintain a strong self-image, or sense of identity.
Positive relationships are only possible when each person sets appropriate personal boundaries. Abusive relationships exist when one person attempts to control the other person by dictating beliefs, values and goals, as well as, actions, reactions and/or emotions. Unhealthy relationship can also occur when one person willingly gives up his or her sense of identity, choosing instead to be defined by other person - or the relationship itself. Evidence of this can be seen in statements such as: I can't live without him or her? - or - If this relationship ends, there will be no reason to live?