I have my very own built in alarm clock. It's called a bladder and it does not have a snooze button.
Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.
I hate when I'm talking to myself and suddenly realize I wasn't paying attention, and then have to start all over.
I saw a lady at the gym on the exercise bike, wearing a helmut... So I put on a life jacket and got on the rowing machine next to her.
Yesterday I bought a world map, gave my wife a dart, and said, "throw this and wherever it lands I'll take you there." We're spending 3 weeks behind the couch.
An Irishman walks into a bar in Toronto and orders a drink. The bartender, noticing his accent, asks him "What brings you to Canada?"
The Irishman says "Well, I was in a pub in Dublin and the coaster under my glass said 'Drink Canada Dry', so I thought I'd give it a shot"
An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough!
My mind is exceptionally quiet today. I'm suspicious that I'm up to something I don't want myself to know about.
If speaking kindly to plants helps them grow, imagine what speaking to humans can do.