Becoming adult is the dumbest thing I've ever done.
"Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40-minute flute solo."
Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags, or is it just me?
I hate it when I can't figure out how to operate my iPad and my tech support guy is asleep. He's 5 and it's past his bedtime.
Old age is coming at a really bad time.
I hate it when people ask me if I did anything exciting over the weekend....like I'm over here skydiving. I'm old. I went to Walmart, did some laundry, ate too much food, and took a nap.
Welcome to middle age. No one tells you that rigor mortis starts while you're still alive.
I don't always roll a joint, but when I do it's usually my ankle.
All of us older folks know all about living on the edge. We used to answer the phone without knowing who it was.
Did you know on the Canary Islands there is not one canary? And on the Virgin Isles? Same thing-not one canary there either!
Tomorrow is not promised. Call your siblings and tell them they're ugly and adopted.