Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief and suffering years after it's been eaten. It's called a wedding cake.
Sleeping is my drug...my bed is my dealer...and my alarm clock is the police.
Give me coffee to change the things I can and wine to accept those I cannot.
Life only comes around once, so do whatever makes you happy, and be with whoever makes you smile.
I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink. Turns out it was the refrigerator.
He said he wanted an 'open' relationship so I pushed him out an 'open' window. Services will be 'open' casket followed by an 'open' bar.
I know the voices in my head aren't real.....but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!
The guy at the furniture store told me the sofa would seat 5 people without any problems. Then it occurred to me, I don't think I know 5 people without any problems.
Life is short, live it. Love is rare, grab it. Anger is bad, dump it. Fear is awful, face it. Memories are sweet, cherish it.
Growing up, Sesame Street taught me the importance of education, empathy, and kindness. Bugs Bunny, on the other hand, taught me that revenge on my enemies should be quick, clever, and brutal.
Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.