Have ye ever listened to some folks for a minute and thought..........their cornbread aint done in the middle.
People say, "Go big or go home," as if going home were a bad thing. Heck yeah I wanna go home. And I'm gonna take a nap when I get there.
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift. That's why we call it the present.
A PESSIMIST sees a dark tunnel. An OPTIMIST sees light at the end of the tunnel. A REALIST sees a freight train. The TRAIN driver sees 3 idiots standing on the tracks.
Sometimes you run into people who change your life for the better. Those people are called bartenders.
If you can lay down at night, knowing in your heart that you made someone's day just a little bit better, you know you had a good day.
I hate when couples argue in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know who's side I'm on.
I never called you stupid, but when I asked you to spell "orange" and you asked me the fruit or the color it kinda caught me off guard.
Brain cells, hair cells, and skin cells all die constantly, but stinkin FAT CELLS must have accepted Jesus as their Savior because they seem to have ETERNAL LIFE!
Well, I lost my job at the bank today, A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.