Today's 3-year-olds can switch on laptops and open their favorite apps. When I was 3, I made mud pies.
Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?
Now, I'm wondering...did I send this to you, did you send it to me or have I only sent it to myself.
I'm now at 200,000 fans! Thanks, everybody! It's people like you who keep me going. Well, you and prunes.
I'm not an early bird or a night owl, I'm some form of a permanently exhausted pigeon.
I used to see the sun rise because I loved to party......now I see the sun rise because I have to pee.
"Can't wait til I get older" was the DUMBEST thing I ever said.
When you're young and you drop something, you just pick it up. When you're older and you drop something, you stare at it for a while, wondering if you actually need it anymore.
I went to an aerobics class the other day. I stretched, bounced and about, fell over a few times, it was agony...by the time I'd actually got my leotard on the class was over.
If there was a Line between right and wrong I snorted it years ago.