Whenever you feel sad, just remember that somewhere in this world there's an idiot pulling a door that says "push".
I have lots of hidden talents. The problem is, even I can't find them!
You are not everyone's cup of tea. And that is okay. The world is filled with people who, no matter what you do, no matter what you try, will simply not like you. But the world is also filled with those who will love you fiercely. The ones who love you: They are Your People. Be who you are.
I stay a bit overweight because it wouldn't be fair to all the skinny people if I was attractive, intelligent, funny and thin as well.
A bad attitude is like a flat tire. You can't go anywhere until you change it.
If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees.
Someone will always be prettier. Someone will always be smarter. Someone will always be younger. But they will never be you!
Whenever I have a panic attack I put a brown paper bag over my mouth........and drink all the bourbon inside. It seems to help.
I see people my age out there climbing mountains and zip lining and here I am feeling good about myself because I got my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.
Fact: if you refill a wine glass before it's empty, it still counts as 1 glass.