I finally figured out what I want to be when I get older. Younger.
Life's short. Make sure you spend as much time as possible on the internet arguing with strangers about politics.
The most expensive vehicle to operate, by far, is the Costco shopping cart.
There is no such thing as a grouchy old person. The truth is, once you get old you stop being polite and start being honest.
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I may not have lost all my marbles yet, but there's a small hole in the bag somewhere.
A million kids want to clean up the earth. A million parents want them to start with their rooms.
I wonder if people paying $300 for a colon cleanse even know about Taco Bell's $4.99 deal.
I've found marriage to be very educational. For example, I had no idea there was a wrong way to put milk in the fridge.
Let's be good to people for no reason, simply because kindness can make someone's day a little brighter