Be decisive. Right or wrong, make a decision. The road is paved with flat squirrels who couldn't make a decision.
Just once, I want the prompt for username and password to say, "Close enough."
Tip for a successful marriage: Don't ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she's mowing the lawn.
Life is short. Make sure you spend as much time as possible on the internet arguing with strangers.
My grandson made the mistake of telling me I was being overdramatic, so I just changed the WIFI password. We'll see who's overdramatic in about 5 minutes.
I was at the doctor and he said I had only 6 months of life. So, I shot him. The judge gave me 20 years.
Q: What do you call an Overweight Psychic? A: A four-chin teller.
I can't see well enough to shop online so I'll just drive to the store.
As I watched the dog chase his tail, I thought dogs are easily amused. Then I realized I was watching the dog chase his tail.
My boss calls me "the computer". Nothing to do with intelligence, I go to sleep if left unattended for 15 minutes.