The important thing to remember is that I'm probably going to forget.
Grandchildren don't make a man feel old, it's the knowledge that he's married to a grandmother that does.
When your friends begin to flatter you on how you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
There's one advantage to being 102, there's no peer pressure.
Using your turn signal is not "giving information to the enemy"
Adulthood is wild because one day you get a little sleepy and then you stay that way for the rest of your life.
I yelled "COW" at a woman on a bike and she gave me the finger. Then she plowed her bike straight into the cow. I tried!
I'm not old. I woke up, I lifted my arms, I moved my knees, I turned my neck.....everything made the same noise: CrrrrraaaaccccK! I came to a conclusion: I am not old, I am crispy!
My coffee looked at me this morning and told me, "Sorry, I don't do miracles!"
The secret to great barbecue is plenty of sauce.....yeah, after a few drinks pretty much anything tastes great!
I can't prove this, but I swear I used to be smarter, funnier, and less tired.
Being kind to yourself is the best medicine.