If my memory was any worse, I could plan my own surprise party!!
I couldn't afford an ancestory DNA kit. So I announced I had won the lottery and soon found out who all my relatives were.
People are going to talk about you, no matter what you do. So do whatever brings you joy and live your best life!
Shoutout to all the people who forget where they put their coffee. WHILE THEY'RE HOLDING IT.
People say that drinking milk makes you stronger....Drink 5 glasses of milk and try to move a wall.....Can't.......? Now drink 5 glasses of wine......and the wall moves all by itself......
I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row. I decided to stop calling the bathroom "John" and renamed it the "Jim". I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
When I give you my time I'm giving you a portion of my life that I can never get back. Please don't make me regret it.
You can tell a lot about a woman by her hands. For example: if they're wrapped around your throat. She's probably upset.
I'm not sure if Life is passing me by or trying to run me over.
Kindness begins with the understanding that we all struggle.
I'm thinking of leaving my body to science. Even scientists can use a good laugh now and then.